It is 5th December and I have already worn my favourite Christmas jumper twice.
Yes, dear readers, the time of mulled wine, mistletoe and mince pies has returned. 2016 certainly seems to have flown by. It seems like only yesterday a 7 year old was telling me I looked 35.
Not that I'm still bitter about that or anything.
Obvs.
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| Harrumph. |
Plus, I got to go and visit the Boyfriend on board his cruise ship when he came back to Blighty for a day. So turns out Christmas wishes do come true.
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| Yeah I know. That was too sickly sweet even for me. |
Not to mention our television screens have once again become the very public battleground for the annual war for the best Christmas ad.
I think we will all agree that John Lewis have had the edge for the last few years which all started with The Long Wait and a little boy who could not wait to please, please, please get what we wanted and appears to have ended (for me) with Monty the amorous penguin. (Sadly, the Man on the Moon did not make a particularly strong impression on me last year - sozlol).
However, other companies have certainly upped their game in recent years.
In light of this, I thought it only appropriate that we go through and rank the current gladiators stepping up to do battle this year.
Since we have mentioned them already, it seems only fair that our first entry is this year's John Lewis ad:
5. Buster the Boxer - John Lewis
This year's John Lewis offering was the rather sweet tale of Buster the boxer wanting to jump on a trampoline.
And...there isn't much more to it than that to be honest.
The woodland animals are cute in an overly CGI'd kind of way and the music is the melancholy leading to uplifting score we've come to expect from John Lewis. But there was just something that didn't quite click for me.
I don't know what it is but it just doesn't seem on par with some of the John Lewis adverts of years gone by.
Although this is possibly the best parody I have seen since Cassetteboy vs The Bloody Apprentice.
Yeah...reckon they would have been higher up the list if the Trump/Clinton version was the official advert.
4. Home for Christmas - Waitrose
And in at number 4 is John Lewis' sister company: Waitrose.
This advert frustrates me because there is a lot I'm willing to do for a good mince pie (watch it, now!) but this is just taking it to extremes! Plus, points are lost because when I first watched this advert I thought the gruff sailor man had actually stamped on the robin.
And we all know I'm ridiculously jumpy so nasty little shocks like that are Not Appreciated.
Not to mention what is that crazy kid doing wasting good, Waitrose mince pies on the bird table?! I have watched birds eat worms and this kid is chucking out a whole mince pie?! And looks to be replacing it every day?!
Do they not realise how expensive Waitrose is?
And how 'experts' have predicted that the price of the average British shopping basket is set to triple following the fall out from Brexit?
Not still bitter about that either.
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| Harrumph indeed. |
Ah, Sainsburys.
This is an impressive work of stop-motion animation and therefore deserves a fairly high spot on the list.
There is something very British about this advert - is it the soft voice of James Corden? Or taking the proverbial Michael out of our unreliable train services? Or the awkward wedging in of the 'that's so 2015' twerking?
In any event, it looks great, sounds great, includes an amazing cross-section of society and has a great message for the Christmas holidays.
...Or does it?
Whilst I wholeheartedly agree with the message that the best gift people can give is their time (that fact that I'm Very Poor as you all well know has nothing to do with this sentiment) and spending quality time with friends and family is what Christmas is all about, Sainsburys don't seem to practice what they preach.
Sainsburys will be open Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day and the following bank holiday.
Turns out the greatest gift you can actually give this year is super discounted turkey on December 26th according to Sainsburys.
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| Boxing Day sights: poor university students as far as the eye can see... |
2. The Sing Song - TK Maxx
Well, if this week's Apprentice episode taught us anything it is that British people love anything random.
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| More like Lord Sugar has lost his mind. Seriously, he has to pick his business partner from this sorry bunch?! (That's another Blog Post I suppose.) |
It's not warm and sentimental.
Or humorous and light hearted.
No; it's just...bizarre.
But it still brings a smile to my face when I see it.
And if you haven't done the claw hand clap at the end of the advert then you are Wrong.
1. Christmas with love from Mrs Claus - M & S
Now this has everything.
Warring siblings, an old happily married couple, a cute dog, a sad and untimely loss, gadgets, a sassy heroine, a secret only the audience knows, a happy ending and those glorious looking mince pies not left out for the birds.
Plus bonus points for 50 Shade of Red. I see what you did there you saucy minx, Mrs Claus!
It's a winner in my eyes.
The only thing missing was a cheeky wink right at the end but I suppose we can't have everything now, can we?
This is my number 1 because I am
This is a really subjective list, obviously, and I'm sure that many of my dear readers will have conflicting opinions but I think we can all agree that no Christmas advert list would be complete without the classic:
NOW I'M FEELING CHRISTMASSY.
Ahem. Or whatever.
Now some of you keen eyed readers may have noticed that Tesco is conspicuously missing from this list. Tesco did not submit one big Christmas advert and have instead opted for several shorts featuring Ben Miller and his long suffering Tesco wife Ruth Jones. Clearly, Tesco did not have the big budget that the other supermarkets managed to rustle up.
Maybe Tesco's kids have been leaving Waitrose mince pies out for the birds and now they can't afford big budget adverts.
Who knows?
Anything is better than the garbage Very.co.uk have vomited out this year.
Call it a poor man's 'The Long Wait' or what...
Eurgh. I think that advert just gave me cavities.
Finally, honourable mention goes to Lidl for their rather sweet Kevin the Carrot ad:
I rather liked this one but the reason it didn't make the top list is because it felt too similar to Sainsbury's advert from 2015 about Mog's Christmas Calamity involving a rather clumsy feline.
Still, who can argue with the calming voice of Jim Broadbent? He is one of the few people in this world that could make a poem about a carrot feel enchanting and whimsical.
Although, how I will eat my Christmas veggies now, I do not know.
Thanks, Jim.
Anyway, hopefully this Blog Post has put you in the Christmas spirit (even if we have just ripped the Christmas ads to pieces). And let's just hope we can get through this holiday period without getting too bored of the same 5 adverts being repeated over and over again on TV.
Although if they want to just play Clinton/Trump on repeat that would be fine with me.
&&Fin.
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