Happy New Year, dear readers!
2016 is well and truly upon us and 2015 has been left in the dust. I realise that over the holiday period I have been particularly rubbish with updates so I am trying to get back into good habits and good routine.
...by missing the first What The Buzz post of the year.
Ahem.
In any event, the start of a new year is always a chance for reflection and prediction. And rather than focus too much on the past year (dear readers, 2015 has been a whirlwind of an adventure I can assure you!) I thought we would cast our eyes to the future and make some deeply insightful predictions.
But not just for 2016. That is far too mundane for All Those Books And Still Not Smart.
Let us cast our aspersions further into the future and, in hundreds of years, when this blog is found amongst the rubble (after the nuclear war, zombie apocalypse and inevitable insanity that will ensue when George R R Martin passes away without completing A Song of Fire and Ice), the people of the future will hail me as a Prophet with knowledge beyond her years.
...Maybe.
So here we go, I am now going to predict a list of things that the People of Tomorrow will find bizarre that we find very mundane - even routine you might say (not a tenuous link to the title AT ALL).
1. Waxing
Of any and all varieties.
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| How do they make it look so gentle?! HOW?! |
I am a major fan of waxing - legs, eyebrows, bikini line you name it! But it dawned on me on the drive back from my latest appointment that it was just bizarre. I pay a lovely girl a princely sum to rip the hair from my follicles. All in the name of beauty.
The People of Tomorrow will see this folly and laugh.
For when the nuclear winter sets in, the hairiest people will be the ones to survive. And us hairless idiots will curse the day they ever invented the 'Brazilian'.
2. Brussel Sprouts
I personally quite like these mini vegetables. Particularly in bubble and squeak.
But I know plenty of people (weirdos) that force themselves to eat brussel sprouts over Christmas even though they hate them because it is The Done Thing.
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| How could anyone hate these little guys? They're so cute! |
The People of Tomorrow will not force themselves to eat things they do not like.
They will have developed food synthesizers that automatically inject the necessary vitamins and nutrients needed to live with receptors in their taste buds giving a realistic impression of eating.
...or they just have a butt ton of Willy Wonka's three course gum.
Either way - food is obsolete.
And brussel sprouts even more so.
3. Emojis
This will go one of two ways:-
a) Emojis are viewed as modern hieroglyphics and scholars spend lifetimes trying to figure out complicated phrases like
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| Turns out we are a very one dimensional generation... |
or;
b) Emojis have replaced all meaningful communication:
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| Ah...young love...maybe?! |
4. Plastic Surgery
Much like the lobotomies and electric shock therapy of the 20th century or when women used to visit doctor's surgeries for 'hysteria' (read as: sexual frustration), the People of Tomorrow will balk when they realise that we, as a race, are comfortable with the idea of slicing ourselves open and inserting plastic bits and bobs to enhance/shape and otherwise sculpt our physical appearance. Liposuction, face lifts, lip plumpers will all be viewed with the same disdain by the androgynous People of Tomorrow who value personality far, far about physical appearance.
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| Spread love not war and all that other good stuff. |
Hey! A girl can dream.
This in turn leads to sexuality no longer being a defining characteristic as the People of Tomorrow will fall in love with individual people and not a gender overall.
Sexual relationships for the purposes of reproducing will be redundant as science will have advanced and perfected the pregnancy process so that it is no longer necessary to heave a sack of baby and goop around for 9 months in order to pro-create. Of course, the People of Tomorrow fully appreciate that should people wish to continue this antiquated practice, they are more than welcome to.
They just don't have to.
But back to plastic surgery...
The kind of operations people are undergoing fairly regularly haven't really been around that long and I always wonder whether there are any side effects later on down the road. For example laser eye surgery - if I had my eyes done now, what would be happening in there in 50 years time? Nobody could tell me because we haven't had the procedure available for that long.
People are very quick to jump in and alter their bodies almost irreparably without really knowing whether there is any long lasting damage or latent side effects.
Perhaps the People of Tomorrow will also share my concerns.
5. Justin Bieber
Hundreds of years into the future, Justin Bieber will be hailed as the mastermind musician of our time.
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| Justin knows. |
Justin will continue to rise through the charts and one day will be considered 'a classic'. The People of Tomorrow will laugh at the blip in 2012-mid 2015 when Bieber was the butt of jokes and generally a hated public figure. They will scratch their heads and wonder how this could have happened given his enduring popularity following the release of his fourth studio album 'Purpose'.
(I'm serious though, those songs are damn catchy. #guiltypleasure)
These are just a few of my predictions for the coming decades.
In the meantime, for 2016 I foresee several holidays, Wilderness Festival, Comic Con and finishing Law School.
And that is quite enough for me to be getting on with for the time being.
&&Fin.
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