I Love The Eurovision Song Contest And It Will Continue Long After I'm Gone. Just Please Don't Ask Me To Take It Seriously

That Time We Reviewed The UK Entries For 2016

What The Buzz: #Eurovision

Imagine my surprise, dear readers, when I logged into Twitter today and discovered the hashtag Eurovision was trending.

For those of you that don't know, Eurovision is on 10th May - 14 May this year so I was not expecting the hashtag to appear as early as February and my curiosity was piqued.

Turns out the 6 potential UK entries have been announced today. The 6 acts will perform live on Friday 26th February and the general public will be able to vote for their favourite.  (One cannot help but wonder if the re-introduction of the public helping to choose the entry comes following the rather abysmal submission the UK sent last year which the BBC chose without public input.)

Pop/electro swing duo 'Electro Velvet' ...yeah, me neither.

For anyone interested in watching the live performances of this year's entries, they will be aired on BBC 4 at 7.30 on Eurovision: You Decide hosted by Mel Giedroyc.

I'm all for more Mel in between series of Bake Off.

For those of you that won't be watching the live performances (for shame!), the Blog is here to help you help the UK in choosing this year's Eurovision entry (and subsequent Eurovision winner obvs).  So, in no particular order....

EDIT: I desperately tried to get clips of all the performances for you, dear readers, but sadly the BBC doesn't seem to want to share.  In any event, you can find clips of all the songs by clicking here: 

Click Me!

1. Joe and Jake - You're Not Alone

I feel like this is a less polished version of Union J with a few of the key members missing.  Personally, I just feel like the song doesn't really go anywhere.  It's alright for bobbing your head to briefly but it's not particularly memorable.

Plus, not everything rhymes with 'oh oh' or 'ooh' lads.  Soz.


2. Dulcima - When You Go

I'll admit it; I had fairly high expectations of this duo given the name of the band is the name of an unusual instrument my Father has taken a liking to. There was a soft spot ready and waiting.

And waiting it shall remain.

Don't get me wrong; it's very Eurovision. The chanting section at 1.49 is perfect for the final night in a room full of drunk Europeans but...there is something slightly irritating about it all by the end of the song.  I can't put my finger on it but it's a long 2.58 minutes to sit through.


3. Matthew James - A Better Man

Is this Clay Aiken?!

No....seriously, is this Clay Aiken just with glasses and a hat now?


4. Karl William Lund - Miracle

To my ears this sounds like a poor man's Take That.  When they were a Man Band.

But with more echo effect.

Anyone else? No? Oh.

I think of all the entries so far this is the one I could see myself singing in the car on the way to work and probably getting stuck in my head for the rest of the day at work much to the annoyance of my colleagues (soz, Charlotta). It still seems to kind of fizzle out into nothingness rather than exploding in a crescendo but you can't have everything I guess.

It is still a UK entry into Eurovision after all.


5. Darline - Until Tomorrow

3 guesses who Darline quote as their top inspiration!

If you said anyone other than Taylor Swift then hang your head in shame right now.

Again, this song is actually quite catchy.  I have a certain penchant for country music in all its forms and Taylor Swift in particular so it's no surprise that I rather like this entry.  But I like it in the sense that I could have it on in the background while I do work in the evening not in the sense that I want my country's singing talents to be represented by this delightful country-pop combo.

It's lovely. ...but that's about as far as it goes for me. And following a recent discussion with my housemate about the use of the word 'lovely' I just don't think that is going to cut it in the mean, lean streets of Sweden for Eurovision 2016.


6. Bianca - Shine A Little Light

When you find out this song was co-written by Leona Lewis, suddenly she is all you will hear during this song.

Seriously.

But there is that weird reggae undertone that makes it sound like MAGIC! is going to break in to the song any minute and seems totally out of character with the majority of the song.

Even so, I think this is my favourite for Eurovision.  At least it has a bit of oomph to it.  So they could probably do quite an impressive lighting display on the final.  Maybe with some fireworks too.

Ah, yes, I can see it now...

And we probably still won't scrape into the top 10. Maybe it should be #EuropeHatesUsGetOverIt

But enough of my negativity! Let's see what the Twittersphere had to say for itself:

If @BiancaMusicUK or @JoeandJakemusic get to go to @Eurovision we might have a shot at @bbceurovision this year yeeeees #Eurovision 😍🇬🇧

— Rhys (@Rhys47) February 22, 2016

Surely Darline have to represent the UK at #Eurovision, I feel that 2016 is the year that Country music will win.

— Seth J (@SethJenningz) February 22, 2016

#Eurovision Loving 'Miracle' by @KarlWilliamLund The UK might have a chance with this song #UKEurovision Vote on FRIDAY! Good luck!

— David (@topvillafan) February 22, 2016

I am not sure many will be queueing up to represent the UK in this years #Eurovision ! #EUreferendum #Brexit

— is it just me? (@algraco1) February 22, 2016

'A Better Man' sounds dated, like Swedish ballad leftover from #melfest long time ago. #EurovisionYouDecide 🇬🇧 #Eurovision

— Bliss (@Phantomblisss) February 22, 2016

If @BiancaMusicUK changes the 'Hotline Bling' style background at the start to something better, we will be on the left for sure #Eurovision

— Jack Picko #91 (@PickoMotorsport) February 22, 2016

And that's not even mentioning all the controversy surrounding the Ukraine's entry which discusses Stalin's enforced deportation of Tatar people from Crimea in 1944.  The song is really quite chilling and has apparently already ruffled some Russian feathers.

...never a dull year at Eurovision!

And finally, this will be the first year since the sad passing of Sir Terry Wogan.  His quotes (such as the rather poignant title to this Blog post) have been the cause of much celebration even amidst the commiseration of losing yet another contest. And, since Graham Norton took up the post, the sarcastic, snide comments continue to live on.

But this year there is sure to be a tribute to Sir Terry Wogan which I'm sure the Beeb will pull off fantastically and we will all be tearing up before we even get to the first song.

In the meantime, we will see who makes it to Eurovision for the UK and then, in May, let us all hope that it is another fine day in the Land of Do As Your Told.

&&Fin.

Perhaps The Less We Have, The More We Are Required To Brag

That Time We Delved Into The World Of Kanye West (Brace Yourselves)

What The Buzz: #OutBoastKanye

Well, dear readers, the hashtag really speaks for itself this week on What The Buzz.

The name Kanye West has now become somewhat synonymous with 'douche bag'.  The man has spurred an entire meme about being an arse, for goodness sake.

The awkwardness of this moment is burned onto the back of my eyeballs.  Still makes me cringe!

I remember a time (in the distant early Noughties) in which Kanye was pumping out musical hit after hit and seemed to have the golden touch.  Diamonds from Sierra Leone, Gold Digger, Touch the Sky, Stronger. 

Kanye and his shutter shades were big news in the UK.

Remember these? If not, you are far too young to be reading this Blog and isn't it past your bedtime?

In a somewhat ironic twist of fate, the downward spiral of public opinion seemed to reflect the rise of Kanye's fame.  Unfortunately, this level of fame brings intense scrutiny so, as a person in an extremely powerful position, obviously Mr West was very careful about what he said to the press and during interviews...

Really? ...the greatest?

I just...there are no words. Literally.

This man is now a father.  Let that sink in for a minute.

K.

Obviously a very modest and humble man stands before us.

But some people have labelled KWizzle as having a 'God-complex' (whuuuuut?!).  And the Twittersphere is always keen to have a bit of bantz at the expense of someone famous.

Here were some of my favourite boasts to out boast Kanye:

#OutBoastKanye
I've got an 8 slice toaster.....well it's a grill but same thing.

— Steven (@steve_d24) February 15, 2016

I haven't bothered claiming back my PPI even though I get several phonecalls a day telling me I could #OutBoastKanye

— Neil Dagley (@NeilDagley) February 15, 2016

Sometimes I buy a packet of Frazzles even if I already have some Frazzles #outboastkanye

— Paul Moped (@paulmoped) February 15, 2016

Yeah, well I once got Shakira's hips to tell a lie. #OutBoastKanye https://t.co/AmWBsf013O

— Louis Karsenbarg (@LouisKarsenbarg) February 15, 2016

I cut a pepper once and found a smaller pepper growing inside #OutBoastKanye

— Andrea G (@Andrea_G22) February 15, 2016

I can smile #OutBoastKanye pic.twitter.com/dSmrxW2xYl

— St Peter (@stpeteyontweety) February 15, 2016

And as for my boast?

I can go to Nandos in relative anonymity. Bliss.

Still no smile? You are in Nandos. Ed Sheeran and Example wrote a goddamn song about how much they love this place.

&& Fin.

Words Are Memes That Can Be Pronounced

That Time We Talked About The Latest Online Plague Trend

What The Buzz: #DontBeLike

First things first, I have to say thank you to all you lovely readers - we reached 2,500 views this week! Thank you, thank you to everyone who has read The Blog and hopefully cracked a smile at the various antics detailed within.

You all rock.

And this week we will be looking at the stick figures that took over Facey B.

'Be Like Bill'

...Or else.

This is Bill.

(Oh, God, now I'm doing it too.)

This is the meme that appeared and then spread like wildfire through facebook and twitter.  Whilst the meme was initially fairly harmless, it soon became a subject of ridicule (as every fad does eventually...does anyone remember how stupid the ice bucket challenge was?! Or makeup-less selfies? Yep...saving the planet there guys.  Good work.)

This meme did not stay popular for long. 

Err...that escalated really quickly.

This was a perfect example of how quickly a really simple idea can spread when embraced by enough people. And how, despite becoming a subject for mockery just as quickly, it was still EVERYWHERE.

How many of these memes have you seen in the past week? pic.twitter.com/IGTXIPsQR1

— What's Trending (@WhatsTrending) January 24, 2016

#prettymuch #stickfigureoverkill #belike #dontbelike pic.twitter.com/Bt2k9CPcEW

— catalina shoate (@shoatezoo) January 25, 2016

According to several credible news sites, the idea behind Be Like Bill was to call out annoying social media habits.

...yeah.

The irony is actually tangible.

Be Like Bill actually started in late 2015 but it has recently become a viral hit following the creation of several meme generators that allow people to put their own names/scenarios in the frame.  And of course generated the anti-Bill meme; Don't Be Like Bill. 

This will, undoubtedly, go the way of other social media fads but, for the meantime, the Interwebz has something new to hate/ridicule and that should satiate her for now.

I had to have a go myself (obviously) and the first few were so random that I realised people must be spending a significant amount of time re-generating their personal memes until they got one that was #relatable or at least somewhat appropriate.

If you want to have a go yourself the link is here.

And I totally won't judge you.

...until you post it on facebook.  And then you should really worry when I get around to doing my next friendship cull.

&&Fin.

If You Think Adventure Is Dangerous, Try Routine; It's Lethal

That Time We Made Some Predictions

Happy New Year, dear readers!

2016 is well and truly upon us and 2015 has been left in the dust.  I realise that over the holiday period I have been particularly rubbish with updates so I am trying to get back into good habits and good routine.

...by missing the first What The Buzz post of the year.

Ahem.

In any event, the start of a new year is always a chance for reflection and prediction. And rather than focus too much on the past year (dear readers, 2015 has been a whirlwind of an adventure I can assure you!) I thought we would cast our eyes to the future and make some deeply insightful predictions.

But not just for 2016.  That is far too mundane for All Those Books And Still Not Smart.

Let us cast our aspersions further into the future and, in hundreds of years, when this blog is found amongst the rubble (after the nuclear war, zombie apocalypse and inevitable insanity that will ensue when George R R Martin passes away without completing A Song of Fire and Ice), the people of the future will hail me as a Prophet with knowledge beyond her years.

...Maybe.

So here we go, I am now going to predict a list of things that the People of Tomorrow will find bizarre that we find very mundane - even routine you might say (not a tenuous link to the title AT ALL).

1. Waxing

Of any and all varieties.

How do they make it look so gentle?! HOW?!

I am a major fan of waxing - legs, eyebrows, bikini line you name it! But it dawned on me on the drive back from my latest appointment that it was just bizarre. I pay a lovely girl a princely sum to rip the hair from my follicles.  All in the name of beauty.

The People of Tomorrow will see this folly and laugh.

For when the nuclear winter sets in, the hairiest people will be the ones to survive.  And us hairless idiots will curse the day they ever invented the 'Brazilian'.

2. Brussel Sprouts

I personally quite like these mini vegetables.  Particularly in bubble and squeak. 

But I know plenty of people (weirdos) that force themselves to eat brussel sprouts over Christmas even though they hate them because it is The Done Thing. 

How could anyone hate these little guys? They're so cute!

The People of Tomorrow will not force themselves to eat things they do not like.

They will have developed food synthesizers that automatically inject the necessary vitamins and nutrients needed to live with receptors in their taste buds giving a realistic impression of eating. 

...or they just have a butt ton of Willy Wonka's three course gum.

Either way - food is obsolete. 

And brussel sprouts even more so.

3. Emojis

This will go one of two ways:-

a) Emojis are viewed as modern hieroglyphics and scholars spend lifetimes trying to figure out complicated phrases like

Turns out we are a very one dimensional generation...

or;

b) Emojis have replaced all meaningful communication:

Ah...young love...maybe?!

4. Plastic Surgery

Much like the lobotomies and electric shock therapy of the 20th century or when women used to visit doctor's surgeries for 'hysteria' (read as: sexual frustration), the People of Tomorrow will balk when they realise that we, as a race, are comfortable with the idea of slicing ourselves open and inserting plastic bits and bobs to enhance/shape and otherwise sculpt our physical appearance.  Liposuction, face lifts, lip plumpers will all be viewed with the same disdain by the androgynous People of Tomorrow who value personality far, far about physical appearance.

Spread love not war and all that other good stuff.

Hey! A girl can dream.

This in turn leads to sexuality no longer being a defining characteristic as the People of Tomorrow will fall in love with individual people and not a gender overall. 

Sexual relationships for the purposes of reproducing will be redundant as science will have advanced and perfected the pregnancy process so that it is no longer necessary to heave a sack of baby and goop around for 9 months in order to pro-create.  Of course, the People of Tomorrow fully appreciate that should people wish to continue this antiquated practice, they are more than welcome to. 

They just don't have to.

But back to plastic surgery...

The kind of operations people are undergoing fairly regularly haven't really been around that long and I always wonder whether there are any side effects later on down the road.  For example laser eye surgery - if I had my eyes done now, what would be happening in there in 50 years time?  Nobody could tell me because we haven't had the procedure available for that long. 

People are very quick to jump in and alter their bodies almost irreparably without really knowing whether there is any long lasting damage or latent side effects. 

Perhaps the People of Tomorrow will also share my concerns.

5. Justin Bieber

Hundreds of years into the future, Justin Bieber will be hailed as the mastermind musician of our time. 

Justin knows.

Justin will continue to rise through the charts and one day will be considered 'a classic'.  The People of Tomorrow will laugh at the blip in 2012-mid 2015 when Bieber was the butt of jokes and generally a hated public figure.  They will scratch their heads and wonder how this could have happened given his enduring popularity following the release of his fourth studio album 'Purpose'.

(I'm serious though, those songs are damn catchy. #guiltypleasure)

These are just a few of my predictions for the coming decades. 

In the meantime, for 2016 I foresee several holidays, Wilderness Festival, Comic Con and finishing Law School.

And that is quite enough for me to be getting on with for the time being.

&&Fin.

Today There Is No Black Or White; Only Shades Of Grey

That Time We Talked Money and People

What The Buzz: #BlackFridayIn3Words

This week's trending topic is all about the mythical and legendary beast that is Black Friday.

As many of you will know, Black Friday is the first Friday after Thanksgiving where American retailers go mental and slash their prices for one day only. This is fantastic for some that manage to snag a deal but seems to come at a high price of others.

As an English person, I don't really understand the whole concept but I do understand that this has now made it's way across The Pond (aka The Atlantic) as we all knew it inevitably would.

After all, the UK sometimes acts like America's annoying little brother that wants to do everything his older brother does but doesn't quite hit the mark.

This guy knows what's up.

In any event, Black Friday has arrived in the British Isles and I have a slight problem with the whole premise. 

Firstly, Black Friday is supposed to be the day after Thanksgiving which, despite stealing everything else from the US, we haven't inherited this one.  So why do we have the day that comes after it? 

This makes no sense to me.

Plus, people have actually DIED because of Black Friday.  Either being tramped by the hordes of frenzied shoppers or falling asleep at the wheels of their cars after waiting in line over night for the shops to open. 

Why would we want to encourage that in the UK? 

The mind boggles. 

Arguably the day brings a lot of money in the UK economy with people spending money they perhaps wouldn't otherwise because of the deals.  But does that really warrant the chaos it causes? I distinctly remember last year doing some early Christmas shopping on Amazon and completely forgot it was Black Friday.  As such Amazon pretty much crashed in the middle of my purchase and told me I was in a queue. 

To go shopping online.

What?!

I go shopping online to get AWAY from the ridiculous queues. 

No, no Amazon...you take your time.  I'll just wait.

It seems as though my disdain was shared on Twitter.

Describing Black Friday in 3 words seemed to become very popular very quickly on Twitter.  And along with myself, and the makers of South Park, there were some others that shared our sentiment for the day.

#BlackFridayIn3Words Staying at home!

— Majlinda (@MK8848) November 23, 2015

#BlackFridayIn3Words World War Three

— Wendy :)x (@wendy_mendoza1D) November 23, 2015

No real bargains #BlackFridayIn3Words

— Double Yolker (@timforheroes) November 23, 2015

#BlackFridayIn3Words "The Walking Dead" pic.twitter.com/trj9Np23xg

— Highzenbrg (@Highzenbrg) November 23, 2015

BRACK FRIDAY BUNDURU! #BlackFridayIn3Words pic.twitter.com/WGAlq5VG2q

— mnmtwinz (@mnmtwinz) November 23, 2015

But for those of you that are going shopping on Black Friday, have fun and most importantly stay safe.

And, seriously, stay away from Amazon.  Or there will be hell to pay.

&&Fin.

A Lean Compromise Is Better Than A Fat Lawsuit

Day ?? - That Time I Realised My Youth Was Running Out

The day has come that I have been dreading for years and everybody else I know has been praying for.

My metabolism appears to have slowed down because, alas, I have gained weight since moving to the Netherlands. I'm not sure if this is a permanent thing or just because I have been particularly piggy this week. I would not like to hazard a guess.

So, as of Monday, I am on a fitness regime.

This means going jogging at least 3 times a week, doing some relaxing yoga cycles and eating better sized portions for dinner.

No more colossal mountains of curry, no more plates piled high with pasta, no more wolfing down waffles.

I am feeling good about this.

Really. I am. I refuse to come back from the Netherlands with wonderful memories and a less than wonderful bouncing belly. ME + GAINING WEIGHT = GOING AGAINST THE LAWS OF NATURE.

I have already started doing some yoga this evening but this is my ultimate goal (I'm already half way there so I just have to practice a bit and stretch and I should be okay.)

In other news, not a lot has happened. I went to Anthropology today and was reminded that I needed to hand an abstract in to my teacher about the presentation I have to give in 2 weeks.

Which reminds me...I should probably get on that.

...right after a round of Sun Salutations.

&&Fin.

Tut Tut, Looks Like Rain

Day ?? - That Time I Regretted My Tight-Fisted-Ness

Woke up today and was greeted by the heavens opening before my very eyes. Still, this is the Netherlands so I was prepared with my ex-police water proof trousers (tres chic) and my mac in a pack for the onslaught of rain. My friend wanted to go to the shops before we headed into Uni (so didn't manage to have a cup of tea before we left) so we cycled over earlier than usual.

Just as we're locking up our bikes something occurs to me; it's Monday morning.

And, say it with me dear readers, Groningen dies for Sunday and Monday morning!

Of course it does.

So nothing is open. And now my friend is annoyed and wet. So we cycle to Uni as quickly as we can. When I describe the journey to you (full of perils, be warned) I am not exagerrating (much).

In Groningen the wind seems to not only be blowing the rain straight in your face but it also appears to be slashing at your bike sideways. The force is so immense that it either makes you drift towards the cars that drive along beside you or dangerously close to the pavement curb which, with the anorexic wheels I have on Hoj, would send me head over arse rather effectively. If you manage to hold on during this battering, the rain is the next foe to face.

It doesn't fall downwards.

It whips at you from (seemingly) all directions. But it particularly likes smacking you around the face for a bit. Now, as an avid glasses wearer, this was especially menacing for me. Anyone with an optical affliction will sympathise, I'm sure. Not only am I blinking owlishly every few seconds but my glasses are slowly becoming useless because of the amount of rain they seem to be attracting. Then, as if blurred vision isn't bad enough, the glass starts fogging up.

It's like being stuck in quick sand; it's slow, painfully obvious what's going to happen and there's nothing you can do about it. The more you swipe and struggle the quicker your situation deteriorates.

Eventually I had to take them off completely and just follow the weave and wobble of my friend's bicycle wheel in front of me.

To make matters worse, when I arrive I realise I have not applied waterproof mascara and now resemble Alice Cooper; The Transvestite Years.

Wonderful.

I also discovered that, whilst I had assumed my mac in a pack would be waterproof (name kind of hinted that it might be) it is, in fact, not. Not at all. My arms, chest, stomach and all the areas in between were completely soaked. But, thanks to my ex-police trousers my bottom half remained perfectly dry. Huzzah!

Sat through my four hours of lectures and then went to buy a REAL raincoat. One that might man up to the fearsome weather of the Netherlands.

Of course, by the time I exited the shop and cycled home it was no longer raining.

But, then again, we all knew that's what would happen anyway, didn't we? Who wants to take bets that tomorrow it's bright sunshine?



&&Fin

Brush My Teeth With A Bottle Of Jack

Day ?? - That Time I Was So Lucky I Could Have Kissed Someone

It appears, dear readers, that the Gods of Fate and Fortune have decided to bless me.

As we have all heard, Hoj was in the repair shop over night because Dutch bike mechanics can't tell the time in English. I needed Hoj for 8.30 the next morning and so was more than a little miffed that I would have to walk to Uni because the weather had been less than pleasant for the last couple of days.

Lo and behold, when I awoke..well, I'll let my photos do the talking.








Yes, the sun was shining and the walk was glorious. I was early so I even had time to go and buy an apple for breakfast. I had my first International and Comparative Criminology lecture and it was amazing. If I could fall madly in love with a subject, have a whirlwind romance, get hitched in Vegas and produce dozens of cute little baby subjects, I'd sacrafice all my morals and sleep with Criminology on the first date.

That's true love.

I also got Hoj back from the bike shop and he is all better (thank goodness)! I don't know what I'm going to do when I have to leave him in Groningen when I return to the UK.

Warning you now: there may be tears.

I had a corridor meeting at 8 in the evening to formally go over some of the rules and to discuss who was going to do kitchen duty on the different days. I finally met the rest of my hallway and discovered that there was a German and a Ukrainian living down the hall that I had never even seen before. Always good to know you've had invisible neighbours for the better part of 3 weeks.

Went out in the evening for an ESN party entitled 'I'm from Holland where the **** are you from?!'

Charming.

Most people were dressing up in their country colours but I couldn't find anything to resemble the Union Jack or ol' Georgie boy's cross so I decided to opt for wit instead.

I donned a black and white dress with black heels and had a purple tie around my neck.

At first it was 'pale and interesting' then, upon evaluation, I realised no one would guess that in a million years so I went as non-discrimination and the purple was the show the blue and red of the Union Jack mixed together.

I think everyone could tell it was a fairly poor attempt at pretty much anything so people didn't comment on my outfit.

I didn't drink in the club because the drinks were quite expensive so I had a fun (though painful on my feet), alcohol free night. This worked in my favour because I had Energy Law at 9am the next morning.

Turns out that not drinking? Yeah that's actually a really big help in getting out of bed in the morning. Who'da thunk?

&& Fin.

All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't

Day 08 - That Time I Made A Great First Impression

Today was the first day of lectures but, in Groningen, the whole city shuts down on a Sunday (even all the big supermarkets, the restaurants and cafes etc.) and they don't tend to reopen until midday/early afternoon on the Monday so lectures on a Monday don't start until 11.

I think I should have been born Dutch.

I went to the first class which was Anthropology of Law. The professor was quite a young guy who was one of those teachers that likes to sit cross-legged on a table at the front of the class and have Deep and Meaningfuls with his classes. It looks like a really interesting class and I think he will draw out some interesting debates even though for the first session we just introduced ourselves and then he let us leave an hour early.

Because, you know, we only have 6 weeks to get this whole course in with just one two-hour lecture a week.

My second class was European Private Law.

I fear I may have made a grandiose error in picking this subject without reading the summary of what the course involves.

I appear to be learning about how Roman people invaded Germany and how that changed the way they transferred property.

I hated Property Law in my first year at University, especially transfer with deeds and titles, and now I've elected to take this module. That serves me right for picking subjects based on the days off I would have.

Lesson learnt.

When we got home we ended up cooking a vegetable curry and watching an hour of Bridget Jones' Diary on the TV. So glad we have a couple of English channels! The curry was actually really nice despite the fact that it was cooked in the kitchen that time (and cleaning supplies) forgot. It's really quite foul in there and none of the other students appear to clean up after themselves.

Plus, someone has stolen my cupboard. Boo.

Eventually my friend and I went to get ready for the 'Dutch' party organised by the University where everyone had to wear orange. After doing some tequila in her room we wandered off to get the bus because, alas, we still don't have lights on our bikes and it's a 60 euro fine if you get caught. And, you know what? I could probably buy another bike for that (a better one than my beloved Hoj I'm sure) so I'm not going to risk being stopped by the police.

We got on the bus and the driver informed us that we'd have to change buses at the Station Noord which we were fine with. We went to get on another bus and asked the driver if he was going to Grote Markt and he said he was so we sat down. But then, when we pulled away, we realised the bus wasn't facing the right way and we appeared to be driving out of the city. We looked at each other and were suddenly not quite so sure where we were headed. Thankfully, the bus went back on itself and we headed back into town but my friend still pressed the stop button too early. So the bus driver stopped and just waited.

And waited some more.

Until, eventually, I had to totter to the front of the bus and explain what had happened. To which he laughed and said he had seen the whole thing in his mirror and was waiting to see what we were going to do.

Bastard.

We made it to the orange party but it was so packed in &Zo that we ended up having to go outside every half hour or so because of the heat. I met my next door neighbour which was so surreal! He and a mate came to talk to Orty and I and he asked where we lived and then, when it turned out that was his building too, he asked what room and I realised he was in the one next to me. Score one for Amy with the nice Spanish bloke living next door.

We moved on to Rumba and decided to have a dance but we made an executive decision to go home when my friend had been grabbed for the umpteenth time that night and she'd had enough. She also had lectures at 9 and it was approaching 3 am so we called it a night and got a taxi.

Wherein the taxi driver informed me of this notion that all English girls are ugly. It had been mentioned to me twice before (in a roundabout way) but I had no idea about this assumption.

Is this what all foreigners think? That English women are the ugly bints of the globe? Is this a common stereotype for people outside of Britain? And where did this come from if it is?

I feel like I should defend my country and state, here and now, that I know plenty of absolutely stunning English women so back off world. Nyeah.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pretend that I haven't spent the whole morning in my pyjamas with my hair like a bird's nest and act like I'm very busy with important University work.

&&Fin

Strangers Are Just Friends You Haven't Met Yet

Introduction Week Starts

Day 05 - That Time I Made Really Awkward Small Talk

No sign of my friend all morning. I texted her and facebooked her to no avail. After about 2 pm I started to get a bit worried that she might have collapsed somewhere in her beer addled state but she texted me at about 8pm to say that everything was fine and she was coming out to town.

Oy vay.

The rest of the day was fairly average. I went and bought slippers and a kettle. How much of an old lady am I?



Ah well, now I can have tea in my bed. I am so quintessentially English that it hurts a little bit.

I also went to change my courses today because I had too many Masters choices down. So now my course list looks like this:

Anthropology of Law I
European Private Law
Energy Law
European Union External Relations
International and Comparative Criminology
War and Peace I

So my timetable is thus:

Monday: 11-13 Anthropology of Law
13-15 European Private Law
Wednesday: 09-11 European Union External Relations Law
11-13 International and Comparative Criminology
Thursday: 09-11 Energy Law
15-18 War and Peace I

And that's it.

I don't know what I'm going to do with all this spare time I have because the library closes at 6pm! At home the library is open until the wee hours of the morning and in exam period it's open 24 hours a day. I don't know how I'm going to study when I can't get into a library and get books out because there is no way I am paying the extortionate prices of the books when I'm only here for only 4 months.

Anyway, after organising my classes (which I had to wait over an hour and a half to do) I went to my Introduction Week tour.

I feel like I have walked around Groningen about 7 times now. It was delightfully awkward as well because nobody in my group really wanted to talk that much. Huzzah. I love silence.

In the end I think people wanted me to shut up because I kept going on and on but I couldn't stand the lack of conversation.

We headed back to our tour guide's house and had dinner there which was really nice.



They call it frikandel and friets. I called it battered sausage and chips.

We went on a brief bar crawl but, because we went out so early there was no one around, so I ended up leaving early because I was so tired.

Plus tomorrow is a sports day so I will have the chance to further embarass myself in front of virtual strangers.

Oh, goodie.

&& Fin.