If You Don't Do Laundry Today, You'll Have To Buy Clothes Tomorrow

That Time We Discussed Some Fashion Trends

Those of you that know me will know that I would not class myself as a fashionista.

Fashion, frankly, baffles me.

Maybe I am too boring to understand some of the trends that pop up from time to time. Maybe I find some of them too pretentious and am actually a reverse-snob. Who knows?

Normally I would not give fashion a second thought but several things have happened recently which have clothes and trends on my brain. Which, of course, only leads to The Blog. (The poor, poor neglected Blog.)

Before we get started on this list, dear readers, please be aware that the following are my opinions only and we all know what a sarcastic, vicious little brain I am harbouring. So apologies now for anyone that finds these comments in bad taste.

Comfort yourself in the knowledge that I really don't know what I'm talking about most of the time so why should a published Blog be any different?

Okay, here we go...

1. Release The Hounds

I know, I know, I thought this was a post about horrendous clothing trends that we could snigger at from behind the safety of our computer/phone screens while we spill spaghetti bolognese down ourselves too!

Bear with.

Release The Hounds: Famous and Freaked returned to our tellyboxes this week with an all celebrity special season. (To be honest, they have taken certain liberties with the term 'celebrity' but it is ITV2 and we'll forgive them for not being able to get big stars like ITV1 and the Hello Campers team.)

Anyway, for anyone that hasn't seen the programme, rest assured, there are no spoilers here.

For you lovely readers that haven't seen the show, invariably it involves a group of three drama queens that would squeal at the drop of a hat being dumped in a Lithuanian forest in the late afternoon. A grinning and undeniably giddy Reggie Yates greets the unfortunate victims for that week, hands them a bright red back pack with a walkie talkie and points them in the direction of the woods. From there, the somewhat depleted Mystery Inc gang have to solve puzzles in order to obtain a key to a chest full of money. Once they have the key they can take the money but, in order to keep the money, they have to outrun a pack of dogs.

The trick of course is that the quicker they solve the puzzle, the bigger the head start they have over the hounds.

This newest series started off with a pretty creepy bang. However, watching the show did annoy me in a slightly unusual way.

As I've explained, the main aim of the game is to outrun the dogs at the end of the tasks.

So why, oh why, do all the contestants insist on wearing jeans?!

Jeans.

More jeans.

JEANS EVERYWHERE. DID I MISS THE MEMO ON JEANS?!

Again, I'm assuming that most of these nitwits have seen the show previously (or maybe they haven't – makes more sense as to why they would volunteer in the first place to be honest) so they should know that most of the tasks involve water or liquid of some kind.

What would possess someone to run in wet jeans?

The answer is, of course, a pack of slavering, barking dogs at their heels which I suppose is sort of the point...

Anyway, this inexplicably frustrates me.

Fashion – nil points so far.

2. Sparkle Particle

Introducing ... Glitter Roots! The new way to disguise your roots. ...apparently.

I mean, is this even a thing?!

The first time I saw mention of this trend was admittedly on the Daily Fail (whoops Mail) website so it could be a load of twaddle. Like most of their articles.

But instagram seems to disagree.

I mean, just on a practical note, that looks like it would be a nightmare to shampoo out.

Whole campaigns have been based on making your hair look as flake free as possible but apparently this is The New Thing.

Don't look Head and Shoulders; you'll only upset yourself.

I can kind of understand this look for a festival (particularly Wilderness) but you're already not really washing properly and a bit sticky and covered in goodness knows what so might as well chuck on something that is at least sparkly I guess.

But imagine your Mum's face when you go home and explain that all of that will be clogging up her shower drain in about an hour.

"Oh yeah, and here's my bag of washing. What's for dinner, I'm starving!"

Anyone that knows me, knows that I love a bit of sparkle so it's not that I'm just anti-glitter but I can feel my hair retracting back into the follicles just thinking about smearing a load of that all over my scalp.

Maybe I'm just not Down With The Kids Anymore.

Afterall, I remember when we used to think this looked good.

"I'm totally ready for the school disco now!"

And all those little butterfly clips...

What exactly were those clips holding up? Probably our badly cut fringes that we instantly regretted.

You know what? The less said about hair in the 90s and early 00s the better.

Moving on!

3. Naked Attraction

On to another television show now and this one is the uncomfortable viewing pleasure that is Naked Attraction.

Those of you under 18, of a delicate disposition and/or my Grandmother, avert your gaze now.

Basically: 6 strangers stand naked in coloured pods, slowly their bodies are revealed (in reverse so from tail to top) and the contestant picks one to knock out each round by deciding which one they fancy less based on pure physical attraction.

My housemate and I ended up watching this cringe fest together with a glass of wine (alcohol consumption definitely recommended).

And the thing that struck us the most about the show was the comment that people kept making that it was 'the best way to judge someone without being shallow'.

Errr...what?!

You just dumped someone on the based only on their body from the waist down.

If that isn't shallow I don't know what is.

Apparently, the best way to 'get to know someone' and to 'judge and find someone for who they are' (nobody on the show is struck by the irony in these phrases fyi) is to have 6 strangers stand naked before you for your abrupt perusal like you are looking for your next bull at some cattle market.

“Ooh, yes, Anna Richardson, who seems to always be involved with these pseudo-sexual programmes on channel 4, his foreskin is particularly long, isn't it? I don't like.” -Somewhere offstage Simon Cowell hits a large red buzzer in the background-

(The above is almost a direct quote from the show just so you don't think I'm being disgusting.)

(Disclaimer – apart from Simon Cowell. He did not hit the big red buzzer. He likey. Or wait...is that Paddy McGuinness? Eurgh, all these dodgy innuendos are getting my pop culture references mixed up.)

Maybe I'm just a massive prude but it wasn't so much the nakedness as the almost rude comments people were making about the bodies they were presented with.

Is that a fashion these days? To have no regard for anyone else's feelings? Sometimes it really does feel that way. I'm not saying that we all need to find each other unbearably attractive; nothing would get done, but does anybody really need to hear the phrase “what other willies are you drawn to?” or “I've never seen a vagina like this...you can see a lot of it. But she does like to shave” (disappointed face) or “how do you feel about the fact that that is one hell of a hairy crack?” Again – quoting from the show here. Literally episode 1.

Again, let's be clear; it's not a problem that I have with the show itself people being naked on the telly doesn't give me the heebie jeebies but why try and dress it up to be something it's not? And why are all the comments so crude and clinical?

Did these people really need someone peering at their naked personage and passing judgement?

But then I suppose telling people what they should be wearing is just as bad.

'Murica.

Let's not even go there. That's a whole new Blog Post.

And finally, the big one, the traumatic experience that has inspired this entire post...

4. It's A Nice Day For A White Wedding

As some of you may know, I have been invited to a wedding this year.

Not only do I love a good wedding but this is a particularly special event as this is the first of my university friends to tie the knot. And it's on the day before my birthday.

I. Am. So. Excited.

And this of course has lead to the requirement for a shopping expedition. As is well established, if my house mate isn't there to dress me I am a hot mess.

Plus, I have shopping vouchers; just call me the coupon Queen.

Mother and I ventured off to find a suitable wedding guest outfit in January and found the shopping centre wanting.

The choice was awful, there was no colour anywhere (seriously what is with all the grey and khaki errrrrywhere?) and anything that was even half decent cost an arm and a leg even on sale.

We trawled through rack after rack for 3 hours and, after finding only disappointment and a lacklustre service in the Debenhams cafe (what happened to you?!), we left with only a few purchases which were actually gifts for other people.

Not quite what we had in mind.

Nevertheless, I was not deterred; namely because I don't actually have anything suitable rather than an abundance of enthusiasm for the task.

So the online shopping began.

The first thing that I noticed was that lots of websites had a very helpful section called 'wedding guest'.

'Perfect!' I hear you cry. Not so, dear reader, not so.

For within this section of clothing there was very little that was appropriate. It was either too short, too formal or too white.

Err...no, Asos, don't think the bride will thank me for this one.

When did this suddenly become A Thing?

I thought it was an unwritten rule that you were not to wear white to a wedding? Maybe this is a rule that I've made up but if your dress is more than 50% white maybe you should have a re-think.

Again, cannot stress enough, this is in the wedding guest section.

And if it looks like this....maybe skip the wedding, take a good long look in the mirror and work on you for a bit. #nojudgement #butloadsofjudgement

I mean, even Glamour agrees with me and, to be honest, that's like gospel in the fashion world.

Maybe.

I'm also against dressing all in black at a wedding. It feels a bit too funeral-y, especially when lots of the blokes only really have the option of dark, formal-wear. I like a splash of colour but, judging from the various online shops, I am wrong on this front as well.

The number of LBDs (is the wedding in a night club?) or other black dresses made me think that maybe colour is over-rated these days?

I told you I wasn't a fashionista.

In any event, the search for a decent (not even perfect! I have realistic expectations I promise) wedding guest dress continues. Goodness only knows what I'll end up wearing.

All I know is if anybody wears a white dress to my wedding they will be on the receiving end of an 'accident' with a glass of red wine.

You have all been warned.

Whoopsie! Sozlol.

I think what we have all learned from this is that I should continue to keep fashion at arm's length and everyone will be happy.

Although, if I do follow current fashion trends, I will be attending the wedding in April in a pair of white jeans, naked from the waist up, covered in glitter.

Maybe it will catch on.

#trendsetter.

Or maybe I'll finally be carted off to the loonie bin for good.

&&Fin.

A Little Strike Each Day Can Chop Down Big Trees

That Time We Discussed Current Events (Ooh, High Brow For A Change)

Hello, dear readers.  A second post in just over a week?!

It's almost like there was some kind of rough plan when this all started.

This. #relateable

In any event, the evenings are getting darker, people are trying to save up for Christmas jollies and the Christmas spirit is in the air.

Lego Boyfriend loves Christmas and huge baubles. Apparently.

I have even had my first slice of Christmas pudding.

Although it seems as though not everyone is full of festive cheer.

Life marches on regardless of the season and unfortunately that appears to have brought some rather poorly timed strikes.  Both Southern Rail and the Post Office have announced varying degrees of inconvenience over the Christmas period.

Southern Rail have organised a 48 hour walk out over the last week with further strikes to be announced in December and January.  As someone that used to commute to London, I understand how annoying this is for everyone involved.  Not just the commuters but also the poor sods that have turned up to work only to have abuse hurled at them by disgruntled and caffeine deprived commuters.  I get that it is annoying for everyone and that the Aslef union feel this is their only option at this point.

But...this all started over who was going to be responsible for opening train doors.

Or we could just...you know, do it ourselves.

...or...no? Oh ,okay then.

It was announced that no trains would run on any Southern Rail routes and left approximately 300,000 people displaced in what Talk Radio called 'the worst disruption in 20 years'.

...don't give me that! I remember the snow of 2010.

And before anyone cries 'lazy journalism' this is actually a picture from 2010.  So nyeah.

And despite my rather facetious claim above, the argument is a lot more complicated than who gets to push one button to open the door of the train.

Apparently.

The problem of course with all these trains being disrupted is not just the effect it has on the rail infrastructure but all of a sudden there is an increase in cars on the road as people try to find alternative routes to work.

As Steve so eloquently states below:

I wish the #southernrailstrike ends soon, so all their customers can use the trains again, cos they can't fuckin' drive! #normalroaduser

— Steve Harris (@steve99999) 13 December 2016

And just in case we need any further proof that Harry Potter has the perfect quote for any and every situation...

Hagrid doesn't give a fuck who closes the carriage doors on the Hogwarts Express. #southernstrike pic.twitter.com/I6ZyJrPZ6M

— The Grump Crusader ツ (@grumpcrusader) 8 August 2016

In other news, it's not just the trains that have the British public in what could be described as A Mild Flap.

Apparently the Post Office have joined in on the fun.

You should think yourself lucky that 'e-cards' didn't really take off  in 1994.

But, not to be outdone by Southern Rail, the Post Office decided to really infuriate the general populace by announcing a five day strike in the week before Christmas.

Fingers crossed you didn't do all your shopping on Amazon.

Oh...bugger.

IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS, RIGHT?!

(Namely the thought that my house is warm and devoid of screaming toddlers which leads me to internet shopping and wine drinking.)

Although, unlike Southern Rail, Post Office have insisted that it should be business as usual for 97% of Post Office customers.

Phew.

Incorrectly misappropriating political slogans. Yay. 

But seriously..sozlol to those of you that don't get to send out your Christmas cards this year.

I bet e-cards are looking pretty good right about now.

"Hmmm, festive and depressing.  I really just wanted depressing but if this is all you have I guess I'll take it."

...Or not as the case may be.

Speaking of the Post Office, does the strike mean that lots of boys and girls won't be receiving their postcard from Father Christmas this year?!  For those not in the know, if you send a letter to Father Christmas at the North Pole with your Christmas wish list, he used to send you a postcard to confirm that he had received the list and was working hard on all the presents.

I don't know if he still does or not because, sadly, we fell out of contact and haven't spoken for a while.

I mean, it's more recent than you would think, but hey...life gets in the way I guess.

...I think I read a fanfiction about this once.

Meanwhile, the strikes are making headlines in the papers:

'Christmas strike misery as Post Office workers stage five-day walkout and rail services are hit by industrial action' - The Telegraph

'December strikes do not signify new 'winter of discontent'' - The Guardian

'No trains, no cards and now no presents! Christmas strike nightmare gets worse as Argos delivery drivers announce they will stop working next week in a dispute over pay' - The Daily Mail (punchy as ever.)

'Argos strike latest: Delivery drivers announce three-day Christmas walkout' - The Independent

Wait...Argos are striking too? (Kind of thought the Daily Mail might just be making that up.  As usual.)  This saddens me because when I was younger we used to write letters to Father Christmas with our wish lists of gifts and toys etc.  This is obviously Not Unusual.

What was slightly strange was the fact that my mother and father used to sit my sister and I down with the Argos catalogue so that we could look for ideas.  Again, actually quite a good idea for despairing parents that have no idea what you mean by "that one doll in the adverts after 'Grizzly Tales for Gruesome Kids' but before 'My Parents Are Aliens".

However, it wasn't until I was much older that I realised how strange it was to write a page number and/or the 7 digit product code in my letter to Father Christmas.

Apparently, he only shops at Argos.

It's a good job I was am a naive and trusting child.

Well...if Argos drivers do go through with the strike, look on the bright side; that's a lot less vans and trucks on the road to make way for all those commuters!

I'll just leave this here and let you come to your own conclusions about my feelings on the matter.

Maybe instead of moaning about it (I know we are British but come on!) we should take the opportunity to appreciate what Christmas should really be all about.

Even the Grinch got it right by the end of the book.

So, forget the cards and the presents and enjoy spending time with your friends and family.

...unless of course you need to get a train to see them.  Then, in that case, just ignore this Blog, drink some form of mulled alcohol and cry on the inside like a winner.

Geez...no wonder these never took off.

If we learned nothing else from Christmas television adverts, it was that there's always Skype right?

And that you can rely on your family and friends to be rubbish at charades.

In any event, are we sure that the people striking didn't just fancy an extended Christmas holiday?

Which actually doesn't sound like a bad idea.

Any unions out there want to strike over the working conditions of paralegals?!

Well, might as well jump on the band wagon as trains are currently out of the question.

&&Fin.

Maybe Christmas, the Grinch Thought, Doesn't Come From A Store

That Time We Rated Christmas Adverts

It is 5th December and I have already worn my favourite Christmas jumper twice.

Yes, dear readers, the time of mulled wine, mistletoe and mince pies has returned.   2016 certainly seems to have flown by.  It seems like only yesterday a 7 year old was telling me I looked 35.

Not that I'm still bitter about that or anything.

Obvs.

Harrumph.

In any event, Christmas is in the air - X Factor had the Christmas themed show, I have attended a Christmas fair and I have even wrapped Christmas presents.

Plus, I got to go and visit the Boyfriend on board his cruise ship when he came back to Blighty for a day.  So turns out Christmas wishes do come true.

Yeah I know. That was too sickly sweet even for me.

Not to mention our television screens have once again become the very public battleground for the annual war for the best Christmas ad.

I think we will all agree that John Lewis have had the edge for the last few years which all started with The Long Wait and a little boy who could not wait to please, please, please get what we wanted and appears to have ended (for me) with Monty the amorous penguin.  (Sadly, the Man on the Moon did not make a particularly strong impression on me last year - sozlol).

However, other companies have certainly upped their game in recent years.

In light of this, I thought it only appropriate that we go through and rank the current gladiators stepping up to do battle this year.

Since we have mentioned them already, it seems only fair that our first entry is this year's John Lewis ad:

5. Buster the Boxer - John Lewis

This year's John Lewis offering was the rather sweet tale of Buster the boxer wanting to jump on a trampoline.

And...there isn't much more to it than that to be honest.

The woodland animals are cute in an overly CGI'd kind of way and the music is the melancholy leading to uplifting score we've come to expect from John Lewis.  But there was just something that didn't quite click for me.

I don't know what it is but it just doesn't seem on par with some of the John Lewis adverts of years gone by.

Although this is possibly the best parody I have seen since Cassetteboy vs The Bloody Apprentice.

Yeah...reckon they would have been higher up the list if the Trump/Clinton version was the official advert.

4. Home for Christmas - Waitrose

And in at number 4 is John Lewis' sister company: Waitrose.

This advert frustrates me because there is a lot I'm willing to do for a good mince pie (watch it, now!) but this is just taking it to extremes! Plus, points are lost because when I first watched this advert I thought the gruff sailor man had actually stamped on the robin.

And we all know I'm ridiculously jumpy so nasty little shocks like that are Not Appreciated.

Not to mention what is that crazy kid doing wasting good, Waitrose mince pies on the bird table?! I have watched birds eat worms and this kid is chucking out a whole mince pie?! And looks to be replacing it every day?!

Do they not realise how expensive Waitrose is?

And how 'experts' have predicted that the price of the average British shopping basket is set to triple following the fall out from Brexit?

Not still bitter about that either.

Harrumph indeed.

3. The Greatest Gift - Sainsburys

Ah, Sainsburys.

This is an impressive work of stop-motion animation and therefore deserves a fairly high spot on the list.

There is something very British about this advert - is it the soft voice of James Corden? Or taking the proverbial Michael out of our unreliable train services? Or the awkward wedging in of the 'that's so 2015' twerking?

In any event, it looks great, sounds great, includes an amazing cross-section of society and has a great message for the Christmas holidays.

...Or does it?

Whilst I wholeheartedly agree with the message that the best gift people can give is their time (that fact that I'm Very Poor as you all well know has nothing to do with this sentiment) and spending quality time with friends and family is what Christmas is all about, Sainsburys don't seem to practice what they preach.

Sainsburys will be open Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day and the following bank holiday.

Turns out the greatest gift you can actually give this year is super discounted turkey on December 26th according to Sainsburys.

Boxing Day sights: poor university students as far as the eye can see...

Boo, Sainsburys.  You lose points for this.

2. The Sing Song - TK Maxx

Well, if this week's Apprentice episode taught us anything it is that British people love anything random.

More like Lord Sugar has lost his mind.  Seriously, he has to pick his business partner from this sorry bunch?! (That's another Blog Post I suppose.)

TK Maxx has possibly the most random advert out there.

It's not warm and sentimental.

Or humorous and light hearted.

No; it's just...bizarre.

But it still brings a smile to my face when I see it.

And if you haven't done the claw hand clap at the end of the advert then you are Wrong.

1. Christmas with love from Mrs Claus - M & S

Now this has everything.

Warring siblings, an old happily married couple, a cute dog, a sad and untimely loss, gadgets, a sassy heroine, a secret only the audience knows, a happy ending and those glorious looking mince pies not left out for the birds.

Plus bonus points for 50 Shade of Red.  I see what you did there you saucy minx, Mrs Claus!

It's a winner in my eyes.

The only thing missing was a cheeky wink right at the end but I suppose we can't have everything now, can we?

This is my number 1 because I am only slightly not ashamed to admit that the first time I saw this advert, it brought a tear to my eye.  It feels really Christmassy, it features The Big Guy himself in a non-conventional way and feels modern and traditional at the same time.

This is a really subjective list, obviously, and I'm sure that many of my dear readers will have conflicting opinions but I think we can all agree that no Christmas advert list would be complete without the classic:

NOW I'M FEELING CHRISTMASSY.

Ahem. Or whatever.

Now some of you keen eyed readers may have noticed that Tesco is conspicuously missing from this list.  Tesco did not submit one big Christmas advert and have instead opted for several shorts featuring Ben Miller and his long suffering Tesco wife Ruth Jones.  Clearly, Tesco did not have the big budget that the other supermarkets managed to rustle up.

Maybe Tesco's kids have been leaving Waitrose mince pies out for the birds and now they can't afford big budget adverts.

Who knows?

Anything is better than the garbage Very.co.uk have vomited out this year.

Call it a poor man's 'The Long Wait' or what...

Eurgh.  I think that advert just gave me cavities.

Finally, honourable mention goes to Lidl for their rather sweet Kevin the Carrot ad:

I rather liked this one but the reason it didn't make the top list is because it felt too similar to Sainsbury's advert from 2015 about Mog's Christmas Calamity involving a rather clumsy feline.

Still, who can argue with the calming voice of Jim Broadbent?  He is one of the few people in this world that could make a poem about a carrot feel enchanting and whimsical.

Although, how I will eat my Christmas veggies now, I do not know.

Thanks, Jim.


Anyway, hopefully this Blog Post has put you in the Christmas spirit (even if we have just ripped the Christmas ads to pieces).  And let's just hope we can get through this holiday period without getting too bored of the same 5 adverts being repeated over and over again on TV.

Although if they want to just play Clinton/Trump on repeat that would be fine with me.

&&Fin.

A Woman Is Helpless Only When Her Nail Polish Is Drying

That Time I Did My Own Gel Nails (And They Were FABULOUS)

As you may well know, dear readers, I was an avid nail biter from the age I discovered that I could nibble on those little suckers right up until approximately September 2014.

I had always hated the look of my chewed and damaged finger nails but I was never able to break the habit entirely.  There would always be some stressful exam or I would just be bored and pop! Off they would all come.

During those awkward teenage years I even tried to stop myself from biting by constantly gluing false nails onto the end of my fingertips.  This often ended in disaster (/hilarity) when the glue would inevitably get everywhere and I ended up gluing my knees together and my mouth shut.

Potentially the one time in history I was able to stay quiet for longer than five minutes.

Deadpool is my spirit animal.

In any event, I was able to kick the habit in 2014 and I haven't looked back since.

(For all those interested in stopping biting their nails, my trick was to apply Nu Nail Creme every time I even thought about putting my hands near my mouth.  Apply the cream and also grab a glass of water.  You'll soon forget all about the nails. If you are interested, the cream is very cheap and you can buy it from Boots in the UK.  The packaging looks like this:)

My hero <3>

Since having nails I have decided to treat myself to the odd manicure (which I have previously discussed in this blog post) and for Christmas my lovely Mother and Sister bought me a kit to do my own gel nails at home.

Proxima Direct UV lamp

I will admit that, at first, I was somewhat undecided about the gift for several reasons:-

1) I like going to a salon and having my nails done.  It takes the stress out of it and is a real treat to myself (even if it does cost an absolute bomb);

2) My right hand is never going to look as good as my left hand. Fact; and

3) I needed to buy more products before I could even give it a go.  This is not a gift; it's an obligation. 

But, I am nothing if not a positive person so I got straight on Amazon and bought all the necessary items to do my own gel nails at home. 

My Sister had already purchased a top coat, colour and base coat so all that remained was the acetone, alcohol wipes, cuticle oil and a primer. 

This is the brand I used as my sister had bought some bottles already. (This blog post is not sponsored by BlueSky.)

I decided to do one hand at a time because I just knew it was going to be harder than it looked so here are the steps:-

1. Wipe nails with cotton wool ball dipped in acetone to ensure nails are clean. (I had clear nail varnish on up to this point)

2. File nails into desired shape.

3. Apply Primer. This is a very thin layer which will help the gel polish 'stick' to the nail. Apparently.

4. Apply Base Coat. 

5. Cure for 2 minutes.  The Proxima Direct lamp which I have has a timer button and will switch off after 2 minutes so this is very handy!

6. Apply thin layer of colour.  I used Bluesky colour chameleon (no. 24) gel polish.  This polish changes colours at different temperatures! It's so cool. 

Sparkles and colour changing!? Yes please! (But, seriously, not sponsored by BlueSky)

7. Cure for 2 minutes.

8. Apply second thin layer of colour.

9. Cure for 2 minutes.

10. Apply Top Coat.

11. Cure for 2 minutes.

12. Wipe nails with alcohol wipes or UV cleanser to remove any sticky residue. 

13. Apply cuticle oil.

14. Repeat steps for other hand. 

Et voila!

Amazing gel nails at home!

And they change colour!!

So despite my initial reluctance to try out the present, it has turned out amazingly and I can tell I will be totally addicted. I have two other colours to try so hopefully I will use those soon.

In the meantime, I am going to see how long the gel polish lasts without chipping and how easy it is to remove (eek!). 

If any of you are thinking about doing gel nails at home, dear readers, I can definitely, definitely recommend it!

&&Fin.

Today There Is No Black Or White; Only Shades Of Grey

That Time We Talked Money and People

What The Buzz: #BlackFridayIn3Words

This week's trending topic is all about the mythical and legendary beast that is Black Friday.

As many of you will know, Black Friday is the first Friday after Thanksgiving where American retailers go mental and slash their prices for one day only. This is fantastic for some that manage to snag a deal but seems to come at a high price of others.

As an English person, I don't really understand the whole concept but I do understand that this has now made it's way across The Pond (aka The Atlantic) as we all knew it inevitably would.

After all, the UK sometimes acts like America's annoying little brother that wants to do everything his older brother does but doesn't quite hit the mark.

This guy knows what's up.

In any event, Black Friday has arrived in the British Isles and I have a slight problem with the whole premise. 

Firstly, Black Friday is supposed to be the day after Thanksgiving which, despite stealing everything else from the US, we haven't inherited this one.  So why do we have the day that comes after it? 

This makes no sense to me.

Plus, people have actually DIED because of Black Friday.  Either being tramped by the hordes of frenzied shoppers or falling asleep at the wheels of their cars after waiting in line over night for the shops to open. 

Why would we want to encourage that in the UK? 

The mind boggles. 

Arguably the day brings a lot of money in the UK economy with people spending money they perhaps wouldn't otherwise because of the deals.  But does that really warrant the chaos it causes? I distinctly remember last year doing some early Christmas shopping on Amazon and completely forgot it was Black Friday.  As such Amazon pretty much crashed in the middle of my purchase and told me I was in a queue. 

To go shopping online.

What?!

I go shopping online to get AWAY from the ridiculous queues. 

No, no Amazon...you take your time.  I'll just wait.

It seems as though my disdain was shared on Twitter.

Describing Black Friday in 3 words seemed to become very popular very quickly on Twitter.  And along with myself, and the makers of South Park, there were some others that shared our sentiment for the day.

#BlackFridayIn3Words Staying at home!

— Majlinda (@MK8848) November 23, 2015

#BlackFridayIn3Words World War Three

— Wendy :)x (@wendy_mendoza1D) November 23, 2015

No real bargains #BlackFridayIn3Words

— Double Yolker (@timforheroes) November 23, 2015

#BlackFridayIn3Words "The Walking Dead" pic.twitter.com/trj9Np23xg

— Highzenbrg (@Highzenbrg) November 23, 2015

BRACK FRIDAY BUNDURU! #BlackFridayIn3Words pic.twitter.com/WGAlq5VG2q

— mnmtwinz (@mnmtwinz) November 23, 2015

But for those of you that are going shopping on Black Friday, have fun and most importantly stay safe.

And, seriously, stay away from Amazon.  Or there will be hell to pay.

&&Fin.

Here's To The Pilot That Weathered The Storm

Day ?? - That Time I Regretted Not Starving

Hello, dear readers.

I know that my absence in writing must have caused more than a few broken hearts but fear not! For I have returned with a vengeance.

The Tale of The Disconnection
Twas a cold Thursday eve
And the winter drew in
There was nought to do
But to sit and to sin.

A young girl was sat,
Her head in her hands,
For the internet was down
Along with her plans.

For she hoped she could watch
(As she was wont to do)
Some TV shows of hers
(There were more than a few).

But alas come the night
When the stars shone so gay
Her connection was gone
It had fluttered away.

Onward she battled
Through sever and gateway
But she turned to the vodka
So miserable was her day.

Then she partied all night
Danced till her feet turned blue
As she prayed that tomorrow
Her connection would be renewed.

All through Friday she suffered
Without book (face or lame),
Till she called the IT man
Such was her pain.

She knocked on his dwelling,
Filled with such dread,
For she had heard if you woke him,
He ripped off your head.

He opened the door,
She stifled a cry.
"What do you want?"
He roared with fee and with fi.

Calmly she told him
Her woes and her needs
He slammed the door in her face
And went about his dark, IT deeds.

A few minutes later,
And a few minutes more,
A muffled apology
Could be heard through the door.

"There's nought to be done."
He shrugged and he waved.
"Your internet's gone.
It cannot be saved."

Beaten, defeated,
The girl returned home
Where the only thing to do
Was to whine and to moan.

"Unhelpful wretch!
What on earth shall I do?
I have a project on Monday
And I'll miss Smallville too."

The weekend came
And the weekend went
She was ready to demand
A reduction of her rent.

In her hours of seclusion,
Cut off from the world
She managed to get through
An entire series of Gossip Girl.

But Monday came
And the IT man did too
"Turns out it's just your IPv6
It'll be as good as new."

The girl rejoiced
Her luck was finally in,
But her stomach lurched
When she saw IT man grin.

"Yep, reconnected
In a day or three.
That's what you get
For awakening me."

He left with a chuckle,
The girl still without power
So she sat down and counted
Every minute, every hour.

Lucky for her
(And her sanity too)
She was reconnected Tuesday
And she had much to do.

There were programs to watch
And emails to write
And secrets to keep
Of the events of Sunday night.

For nobody knew
That the girl was a whizz
That she hacked someone's wireless
What a cheeky young miss.

But regardless of this,
Her internet was back
So she wasted her time
Writing poetry and other cack.

=D

Yeah. Take that.
Also, I had my Anthropology presentation on Monday which could have gone worse. I think it was okay so I'm feeling quite good about that. It's weird to think though that I've had 6 weeks of lectures and I've already finished 2 of my modules for the year. Very bizarre. I'm a little worried about exams next week just because I feel like I haven't really learnt anything. And not because I haven't been working but just because it's been such a short time.

Anyway, onto other news.

Today I ran out of food. (Well, technically it was yesterday evening). So I knew I had to go food shopping. But the weather was horrible so I knew I had to do it on the way home because I wouldn't leave my house again if I got into the warm.

I picked up a few things in town and then went onto Albert Heijn and Lidl to get my food.

As I'm cycling home the wind picks up and it's been drizzling on and off all day so it started doing that again. Then, all of a sudden, there is a heavy hail storm. And I'm stuck in the middle of it with shopping bags, a wooly hat and skinny jeans.

Oh, that was a fun ride home.

Turns out the best buy of the day was not food (which I would have starved without) it was the preemptive waterproof mascara.

Bargain.

&&Fin.

A Dress Makes No Sense Unless It Inspires Men To Want To Take It Off You

Day ?? - That Time I Took Stock

So the past few days have been a bit of a blur.

The weather has been fantastic. So fantastic, in fact, that I left the house in shorts and a cardigan on Tuesday. What started out as a labelling me a fashionista soon turned into quite the fashion faux pas.

Turns out that it's cold in October. Regardless of whether the sun is out or not.

I went for lunch and coffee with a friend and ended up having to buy a pair of jeans to change into. Luckily, they were only 10 euros in the H&M sale and I did need a new pair anyway. But still. Felt like a bit of a moron going into the Academic building to shimmy out of shorts and jam on my new (far, far too skinny no wonder they were in the sale. They were made for Twiggy I swear.) jeans.

Anyway, this purchase got me thinking about what I've bought since I've been out in the Netherlands clothes wise. I moved with just 4 pairs of shoes in my suitcase and I know I've bought some since I've been here but I thought it would be interesting to see (roughly) what I've been spending my hard earned cash on. I took pictures of everything.

And now I'm a little ashamed to share.

So first, my lunch today was awesome. Bacon sandwiches and salad. It's allllll good.

Now, as to my shopping. We must bear in mind that I came over without a rain coat and with only one pair of flat shoes. And only like 2 (or 5) dresses. So some of this has been necessary purchases. Sort of.

(I'm sorry, Mum)

Gulp.

And then there is all the socks I bought the other week because I realised I had like 3 pairs. =/

Moving on...my money saving scheme is in place. I am not buying too much at the supermarket because I refuse to throw away food anymore. I am also not going out as much. This has less to do with saving money and more to do with the fact that I have exams in less than two weeks and I don't feel like I've learnt anything yet! Eek. This is insane. One of my courses has actually ended already. 

Ask me anything about Anthropology.

I guarantee you that the answer will be 'I don't know'. I think I'm going to have to hole myself away for a solid week and revise. 

And we all know how good I am at revision, dear readers. 

Where are my very kind, very patient flat mates when I need them?! 

This plan is somewhat hindered by the fact that I have been invited to the Hague on Friday to sit in on a War Crimes case in the International Court of Justice and I really, really want to go. The question is not about money or even passing my degree.

The real question is: can I be bothered to get to the train station for 6AM?

The answer, dear friends, is looking rather bleak I must admit.

&&Fin