Maybe Our Girlfriends Are Our Soulmates And Guys Are Just People To Have Fun With

That Time We Delve Into The Modern World Of Dating

What The Buzz: #BestFirstDateQuestions

Ah, dear readers, a topic near and dear to my heart (no pun intended).

There was a time in 2015 where I had the hilarious notion to write a Dating Blog called The Tinder Tales.  This never surfaced for the following very simple reasons:-

1. I was too nervous to be honest in case one of the hapless young chaps stumbled across it and was offended (I am what they call A Nice Person (mostly));

2. I joined a Social Media team and promptly discovered the hysterical work of one Ms Charlie Culverhouse and her Blog - Tinder Tales.  In the interest of professional competition (and the fact that her posts were far more hilarious than any stories I had managed to type which all started with a fairly 'woe is me and fyi let me just reiterate my ex-bf is an absolute cad etc etc' which, let's be honest, gets boring after the first few posts) I decided to remain silent on the topic. (You should check her out here though: Tinder Tales.); and

3. The Tinder Blog would require me to go on dates. ...This was kind of a deal breaker for me.

So, the next best thing is this week's hashtag #BestFirstDateQuestions.

The Twittersphere came up with some crackers and it made me think of the first dates I have been on (all...6 of them....5 if you don't count the one where Mr Tinder did not turn up. But I'm not bitter, dear readers!  Ask me anything about the menu in Turtle Bay; I am an expert. Ahem.)

One of my favourites was probably a chap in Uni who asked me to pronounce his surname.  I thought this was a rather strange request until he wrote it down for me - Lewzsa.  Reading it a couple of times, I gave it my best shot.

AJ: Well...that says 'Loser'.

Uni Man (UM): Haha, everyone thinks that! It's actually pronounced 'Lev-sha'.

AJ: ...no, that definitely says Loser.

UM: (Is not impressed). 

Needless to say, there were not many more dates after that!

Most of my other first dates have actually been relatively pleasant (some more so than others) which is another reason for the lack of a Tinder Blog.  Lucky for me (but sadly for blog inspiration), I normally only go on actual dates with people that I have been talking to for some time and therefore they tend to not be complete douchebags as I have weeded those out in the preliminary stages. (Yes, dating me is like an episode of Robot Wars.)

Just call me Sergeant Bash, baby. ..actually don't; that's super creepy.

In any event, the Twittersphere had some cracking commentary this week so here are a few of my favourites:

Keyboard and Mouse, or Controller? #BestFirstDateQuestions pic.twitter.com/9w0vgjWmsV

— Corsair (@Corsair) 14 March 2016

Tell me everything! Your ma's maiden name? High school mascot? 1st pet's name? Your ATM card? No, I haven't seen it… #BestFirstDateQuestions

— CabinBoy (@cabinboy100) 14 March 2016

"What's your favorite book?" #BestFirstDateQuestions pic.twitter.com/muJxM2ZHie

— Turner Publishing (@TurnerPub) 14 March 2016

So where would YOU hide the body? #BestFirstDateQuestions

— Jim Wright (@JWr1ghtBra1n) 14 March 2016

"So who's the girl in that picture you posted from your trip to Italy in 2009?" #BestFirstDateQuestions

— Caitlin Michelle (@Caitlinness) 14 March 2016

#BestFirstDateQuestions .... What did you say your name was?

— Zachary (@Kyozamiss) 14 March 2016

Where do you see our child custody battle in 10 years? #BestFirstDateQuestions

— Sara Mansford (@SaraMansford) 14 March 2016

#BestFirstDateQuestions. Can I have that scab on your elbow?

— The Gnurb (@batshake1) 14 March 2016

...yeah I don't know what to tell you with that last one; people are weird okay?! Seriously kids, stay in school, stay off Tinder and stay away from @batshake1.

But other than that, dear readers, enjoy all your first dates for the wonderfully awkward hilarity they provide for you never know if that first date will be your last.

...your last first date because you live happily ever after with them not like, your last date ever because they turn out to be a mass murderer or anything. Jeez.

Yeah, see a Tinder Blog would have got really dark, really quickly.

For a certified Disney kid I am not cut out for fluffy Blog Posts.

In any event, big love to you all, dear readers, and the best of luck on all your first dates; may they be fun, the drink be plentiful and the Tinder pictures be accurate.

&&Fin

The Greatest Gift In Life Is Friendship, And I Have Received It

That Time I Discovered Reason #46783 To Be Thankful That Sam Archer Was My First True Love

Sometimes in life you stumble upon people that genuinely care about you. When you find these people, dear readers, hold on tightly.

Whether they be friends, family, co-workers, people online you will never meet.

If someone cares about you, is happy for your happiness and sad for your sadness; cherish them. They are important. And rare.

I am lucky enough to have several of these people in my life.

One of whom I have had the pleasure of knowing for 23 years. And he turned 26 this year.

In celebration of this fact, I suggested that we attend a silent disco which was being held in the Shard in London. This suggestion was met with such enthusiasm that before I even had time to 'like' the event on Facebook, I was being informed that a ticket had been purchased for me and I should therefore organise my life sufficiently to attend on 12th February.

And thus began the rather bizarre (but awesome) weekend of Amy Jay and Sammy Ay (2016).

Looking pretty respectable at the start of the night...it went sharply downhill from here

We trundled off to the Shard (well I tottered in my ridiculous AmyJay patented heels) and boogied our little bums off!

Plus the view was pretty epic. (Exhibit A)

It was an amazing night and I would recommend it to anyone - it was busy but not heaving, the drinks were actually decently priced for London and there was always something that we enjoyed singing or dancing to on one of the three channels.

(Admittedly, we spent the majority of our night listening to the cheesy red channel but I have photographic proof that we listened to the blue and green channels at least a little bit. See Exhibit A, above.)

In any event, the night was epic - we stayed until it closed - and then we headed back to Sammy Ay's flat. Sadly, this was something of an adventure all by itself as we struggled with Uber drivers trying to pick us up from outside London Bridge train station.

But we made it home eventually! (And promptly ordered pizza. London, dear readers, is open for anything at any time; including pizza at 4 in the morning. Epic.)

After eating an entire pizza to myself, I snuggled up with Sammy Ay and went to sleep, safe in the knowledge that I would not have a hang over in the morning thanks to my beer (prosecco, darling) sponge.

...not quite as dignified now!

...and then came the adventures of Sam's actual birthday.


NB: Some of the following circumstances and conversations may have been dramatized (slightly) for humorous effect.

AJ (Me): It’s your birthday today, Sammy! We are in London and I want to take you out somewhere. We can do whatever you want so have a think and let me know.

(SA ponders this prospect very seriously for several quiet moments and then gives me a Look.) 

SA: Okay…(pause for dramatic effect) Since you found out your ex was cheating on you, have you had a sexual health check up?

(AJ, blinks owlishly, laughs heartily and wonders where this swift change of topic has come from) 

AJ: Err…no actually I-

SA: That’s what I want to do today then.

(AJ gapes unattractively at SA) 

AJ: What? No it’s not! We can do anything at all – museums, touristy things, a nice lunch, cocktails…

SA: You said anything and that is what I want to do. Look, I’ll come with you and get it done too so you won’t be on your own. It will be over really quickly and then you’ll know for definite that you are okay.

AJ: But I don’t even have any-

SA: DON’T YOU DARE SAY YOU DON’T HAVE ANY SYMPTOMS, YOUNG LADY! You might have something and not know it and then you could be infertile. INFERTILE. (SA goes on a caring, Nurse-like rant about STDs and INFERTILITY whilst AJ still gapes unattractively). 

AJ: OKAY! Okay, okay we will go.

SA: Thank you. …it’s only because I care, you know.

AJ: …I know.

(SA and AJ share A Moment. Lights go down.)

~*~*~*~*~*~


So we decide to begin our day in a small, independent, in no way chain-y coffee shop whose name may or may not have rhymed with Sharstucks because caffeine, London and reasons.

Inside there is probably a 10-15 minute wait for hot drinks and there are 7 or 8 people queuing up on this drizzly, Sunday morning.

I receive my chai latte (oh, yes, dear readers, I’m one of ‘those’) with no drama and we move to exit the coffee shop.

I am safely through the door, as is the front half of SA, when I hear behind me ‘oof-blop-splash’.

Turning around, I take in the sight with horror.

SA has knocked someone’s £4.50 coffee out of their hands and it is now trickling down the street like the blood of a fallen soldier.

This is the number 1 reason why people get shanked in London. (Jointly tied with snarky Blog Posts probably.)

SA is frantically apologising to the devastated patron and offering to buy him a replacement coffee when the most London-y response of all Londoners is uttered:

Sad Coffee Man: I don’t have time for this!!

And that was that. We scampered away with our tails between our legs and my chai latte cradled protectively to my chest.

Ain’t no fool knocking this one out of my hands.


~*~*~*~*~*~


Upon arriving at the clinic in Soho, it is immediately apparent that I Do Not Know What I Am Doing when the friendly chap behind the counter smiles at me and I look blankly at SA and say (OUT LOUD) ‘What do I want?’ in a manner not dissimilar to that of a toddler ordering McDonalds with Mummy.

SA, rather despairingly, informs the man that we would like a check up each and we are promptly given a time to return in about an hour.

This leaves us with enough time to find somewhere to have lunch so we toddle off.

And eat in a small, independent, no way chain-y Italian place that may or may not have rhymed with Schmizza Exschmess.

When we return to the clinic, I have to register my details online which takes less than 5 minutes and am then handed an ominous looking tube. The friendly chap behind the counter must have taken in my wide-eyed expression of panic and taken pity on me for he was very gentle with his explanation of what would happen next.

I was to take myself off to one of the private rooms, take a quick swab (the location of which I will leave to your imagination although probably not very hard to figure out given the circumstances in which this tale is told) and then I would have a blood test.

This, all in all, did not sound too bad; I didn’t even have to pee in a cup! (Something of a disappointment given that I had held in my chai latte and elderflower fizz from lunch in anticipation of needing to provide a sample.)

SA, however, was not as lucky.

Multiple samples, a blood test and a finger prick later…

SA: You okay?

AJ: Yeah, wasn’t as bad as I thought. Just the one swab and the blood test.

SA: (anger begins to cloud SA's face)…what?

AJ: What?

SA: That’s it?! …you bloody breeders *grumble grumble* (SA puts still bleeding finger into mouth in the most dignified way he can but definitely appears to be visibly pouting).

AJ: (Trying to lighten the mood) Maybe they just didn't like the look of you?

SA: .... (Is not amused)

AJ: Okay, well, I got blood all over my new shirt though because I couldn’t stop bleeding after they took my blood test. …make you feel any better?

SA: (Mumbles around finger still in mouth) …a bit.

AJ: Good! Now, come on, let’s go buy you a plaster from Boots!


~*~*~*~*~*~


The reason this is a shining example of a true friend is thus; Sam wanted to spend his birthday doing something that solely benefited me and my health. There was nothing for him to gain in doing this, no benefit and it would not effect his life in any way whether I got checked or not. And yet, despite all of this, he was so insistent that we go because he cared that much about me and my well-being.

That is a true friend right there.

TL;DR – My friend made me go for a sexual health check up on his birthday. Hilarity ensues.

&&Fin.

How Did It Get So Late So Soon?

That Time I Was Rubbish At Posting On Time (The First, But I Expect Not The Last)

Dear readers, I do apologise for missing the Monday What The Buzz post.

This week has been crazy.

As per my previous post, I was at Law school over the weekend which in and of itself is normally rather draining but this week was gruelling for a whole new and entirely foul reason.

So when Monday rolled around, the last thing on my mind was posting to the Blog.

And I do apologise as there were plenty of good hashtags to choose from.

But let me run through the rest of the week for comparison:

Tuesday: Off to my parents to cook dinner

Every week (read as: 'most weeks when I remember') I visit my parents and my younger sister and do some 'experimental' cooking by trying out a brand new recipe from the BBC website.

So far it has been quite successful with different menus including a home made curry with raita and onion bhajis or the sticky bbq chicken or even the most recent sausage and bacon rustic hotpot.  As my younger sister is a vegetarian this can sometimes be a bit of a challenge as it requires making two separate meals.  But in general I really enjoy it and it gives me an excuse to go round and visit and not feel like a free-loader.

Or not.  As the case may be.

Wednesday: Out for dinner with a friend

I went out for dinner with a friend in the evening which I have been looking forward to immensely.  Unfortunately, we are both very busy and also have the tendency of cancelling on one another either due to illness or just because we are super busy and life gets in the way.  But she is one of the few people in my life that knows time will be made eventually and that we are both grown ups with busy lives. 

It was a lovely evening and, even though one of our topics of conversation was probably a little unusual, it was great to catch up and be able to talk about things candidly. 

But it meant that I was out for the whole evening and didn't get home until nearly 11. 

Thursday: Mum and Dad's Wedding Anniversary

As it was my Mum and Dad's 32nd (32nd!!) wedding anniversary, my sister and I bought flowers and treated them both to a takeaway for dinner. 

The whole evening was great as I love spending time with ma famille.  And after dinner we played a new board game (new for us at least) - Betrayal at House on the Hill.

Ooooh, the spooks!

My family has a 'thing' about board games and card games.  So we were all looking forward to trying out this new co-operative game.

Or were we...?

The game is cooperative to begin with but then somebody becomes a traitor.  Ooooh.  The intrigue. 

It's a really good game but I think it will be more enjoyable the second time round when we already understand some of the rules as much of the evening consisted of me flicking rapidly through the rule book and getting flustered when I couldn't answer various questions about die rolls and coal chutes. 

(Don't ask.)

Friday: Alex B's last day in the office (aka the last day of term)

Today was a work colleague's (a friend's) last day in the office.  It was a pretty emosh day but it was hard to take anything too seriously as it was also Children in Need and we were all in fancy dress as heroes and villains. 

I was dressed as Bat Girl.

"Yes, I take your personal injury claim very seriously, Mr Bloggs..."

So nothing I said was really going to come across that seriously.

After many larks in the office and pretty much getting no work done (sorry, boss!) we all headed to the pub for a few farewell drinkies.  I was supposed to be out until the wee hours of the morning but, as you can see, I made it home fairly early.  

And therefore had the chance to write this beautiful catch up post for you, dear readers. 

And there you have it; my week in a very brief nutshell. 

Insert clever pun here.

It's been busy but good (in some ways - in others not so much but let us not dwell).  

So I hope you forgive me for not posting the scheduled What The Buzz post this week.  This post is really just one long excuse and I really hate that but I genuinely have been super busy.

Please stay tuned for your regular scheduled programmes and I will endeavour to get my life together by next Monday. 

&&Fin.

PS. I have been watching Twitch a lot recently and one streamer in particular 'IamslowLoris' has been playing Dark Souls and his commentary is actually really funny plus the chat is very friendly.  If you have five minutes and like Dark Souls, I would recommend you check out his streams - 8pm on the weekdays. Peace!

Those Who Have Least To Do Are Generally The Most Busy People In The World

Day ?? - That Time I Tried to Catch Up

So I haven't been keeping very up-to-date with this since the last few weeks have been insanely busy! And, no, before you ask, not with work or Uni happenings.

Probably the main story of the last few weeks is that my friend, Sam, came to stay with me for 5 days which was very exciting and very awesome. =] We had a great time together, despite the snow, and I got to take him around my city. It was great. It made me totally feel in the Christmas spirit and miss being at home.

Also important news was the fact that I spent most of Thursday night in the Emergency Room with my friend who managed to fall down a flight of stairs (and they say that I'm graceless...). We didn't get home until 5.30am and then I made her sleep in my room so that she wouldn't be on her own for the night. Not exactly what we had planned for the night (our friend was turning 21) but it could have been a lot worse. The amount of stairs she fell down was pretty scary so I was just glad she wasn't in a full body bandage or in traction.

Everything else has been a bit crazy and I don't have the patience or the inclination to type it all up. I am, however, very excited for Christmas this year! I haven't been for the past few years and I can't really put my finger on why but this year I am totally in the Christmas spirit. I even went to buy fairy lights for my room.

We also have 'Kinky Christmas' coming up so we all need costume ideas for the night out. My friend wants me to go as an angel and I have found these shoes which I have deemed necessary: http://www.debenhams.com/webap
p/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10001_10001_58958+1089547759_-1?breadcrumb=Home%7EWomen%7EShoes+%26amp%3B+boots%7EHigh+heel+shoes

They are necessary, right? Right?!

&&Fin

A = success so A = X + Y + Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut

Day ?? - That Time Summer Came Back To The Netherlands

This weekend has mostly been about work.

A little bit about X-Factor but mostly work.

The only really interesting thing about the weekend was when I went out briefly on Saturday night. I went to go to a bar with my Australian friend that I met a few weeks ago. She invited me out for a drink or two with a group of her friends so I thought I would go and meet some new people. This was actually an excellent idea because I managed to meet the two other people that are coming to Portugal with us. =D

Always good to know who you are sharing a room with before you turn the lights out I suppose.

Anyway, turns out it was this rooftop bar in the Grote Markt. So we watched the sunset over the City Hall and then went to get hot chocolate in the Drie Gezusters. It was heavenly.

And this morning I woke up to clear blue skies once again. So my weekend has been fantastic weather wise, met some new, fun people and managed to get a whole lot of reading done besides.

Haven't gone for that second run yet though and my trainers are staring at me woefully from their box.

I may have to tuck them behind the wardrobe just so I feel less guilty about the whole 'not going running' thing.

&&Fin

Fraternity Without Absorption, Union Without Fusion

Day ??  - That Time We Crashed Another Frat Party And Got Free Drinks All Night

The past few days haven't been all that exciting - lectures, writing up notes, food shopping etc.

However, we did have a bit of an exciting purchase the other day. We were in town trying to pay rent (we couldn't because there is a daily withdrawal limit of 250 and rent is 319) but instead we ended up buying shoes and a shisha!

Very exciting stuff.

We ended up smoking some apple flavour before we went out on the town on Friday night. We went to a couple of bars and danced and generally had a good time. Then we were getting peckish so we went to our favourite pizza place.

Then we went to the bar/club &Zo. It was fairly busy so the atmosphere was good but we didn't really know many people out and the average age appeared to be about 35. So we were about to go home until one of our friends saw us, grabbed me and pulled me through to the private/VIP section of the club. I was a little dazed but went with it because there seemed to be younger people there.

Found out about 2 minutes later that it's a private, black tie frat event.

Whoops.

Anyway, the head of the fraternity comes up to me and says 'you know this is a private frat party, right?' and I apologised and explained that I'd been dragged in by a mate and he just goes 'that's cool. If anyone gives you a hard time just say you're with me. Now...what are you drinking?'

And that was that.

For the rest of the night we were given all our drinks free and just danced away with all these frat boys. It was awesome. There was vodka, some appley drink, champagne. It was amazing.

I also appear to have come home with someone's bunny ears.

Best night ever? I submit that it just might be.

Or at least in the top 10.

&&Fin

All Women Are Flirts, But Some Are Restrained By Shyness, And Others By Sense

Day ?? - That Time We Played Connect The Freckles

Today was a day without lectures so, instead of enjoying the lie in possibilities I decided to get up early in order to acquire a washing machine. In our building there are 300 single rooms and, at the moment, only 4 washing machines that work in the laundry room. So it is a rare opportunity when you get to do your washing and dry it as well.

I was spoilt because I got three loads washed and dried including my towels and bed sheets.

Bliss.

I also went and did some food shopping, hoovered my room, tidied my closet and did some research for my Anthropology project. All in all it was a very successful day.

I got a call in the evening from my friend asking if I wanted to go out with the group of lads that she had been talking to (and I had briefly met) the day before when we went into town. It sounded like a laugh so I agreed and then she said that we should pre-drink with them which, again, sounded like a laugh. It was only afterwards, when I sobered up and thought about it, that I realised that agreeing to go to this guy's apartment in town, just the two of us, probably wasn't really that clever.

But hey ho, it's a happy ending so it's all fine.

We had to get a taxi because we had no idea where we were going and, when we arrived, we couldn't find the front door. We stood outside where we thought we were meant to and had to phone the guys to come get us. Instead of walking all the way around the building they just whistled at us (yeah, like dogs) so we could find the entrance.

Once inside the drinks started flowing and we played ring of fire which, of course, my friend and I were doing horribly at because we kept forgetting rules like snake eyes and question master. We had also made the horrible mistake of making each other our mates so that when one of us screwed up the other had to drink too.

And we screwed up a lot.



We had a really good time in the apartment and, when the booze started running out, we decided to head into town which was like 3 minutes from where they lived (made a nice change instead of the 40 minutes where we live). When we got there though it was really crowded and hot and I think we'd all been having a better time at the house because it was easier to talk and drinks were cheaper! So we headed back to the apartment and just kind of collapsed into any available seats.

Here is where the drunkeness kicked in.

One of the guys says he wants to connect my freckles up. I think he's joking (people say it quite a lot) but he picks up a biro and starts joining the freckles on my arm up into some weird, box like pattern. Then the other arm. Then, there's me in a backless dress, and he sits me in front of him to join up the ones on my back.

Then he bit me. Like, actually properly bit me. Not a nibble or anything sexy. It hurt.

Then he decided to carry on with the freckles on my legs and stop with the biting. When I'm finally a human doodle we all decide it's time to go home and get some sleep because it is nearly 4 in the morning.

We say goodbye (discover someone has stolen one of the boy's bikes) and head home. It's only when I'm crawling into bed that I realise I'm not going to be able to scrub the pen off my back because there will be places I can't reach.

However, the guilty party did offer to give me a hand if I needed one.

What a gentleman.

&&Fin.

A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility

Day 12 (? I'm losing count) - That Time I Almost Burst Into Tears In A Club

Saturday 11th September today and, yes, I did have a look on some of the memorial websites for 9/11 to pay my respects. There's nothing funny about that and I know this blog is normally lighthearted but I feel it should be mentioned because to completely ignore it would be a huge insult to a lot of people.

But, I don't want to dwell because this is still meant to be lighthearted/uplifting.

Today I managed to actually do some studying. My first real go at it since about May. It was so bizarre; I had to find my own handwriting again. I've decided to go for straight but loopy so we'll see how that works out. I'll keep you all updated on any changes made since I know this effects your everyday lives in a great way.

It got to late afternoon and my friend and I decided to order a takeaway. We did not realise how insanely difficult this would be.

Firstly, we had failed to get a takeaway the day before because Groningen seems to just switch off at 10 and we were looking for numbers at 10.15. But, today, we couldn't find any menus online with an English translation. Now, I know I've been in the Netherlands for nearly two weeks but that doesn't mean I can speak Dutch and it certainly doesn't mean I can translate a Chinese menu from Dutch to English.

Bah.

We ended up phoning one of the takeaways and just asking what they had down the phone. I don't think the woman on the other end could quite believe it.

Anyway, when it arrived (delivery boy was the sweetest guy ever) we realised that it was massive portions and we'd ordered way too much for two people. But we sat and wolfed it down and it was actually really tasty. It tasty really fresh and had lots of vegetables in it.

Stamp of approval, me thinks.

We were going out that night so after the obligatory episode of The Office, we decided to go and get ready because I needed a shower.

In my corridor there is a shower that is literally less than ten steps from my door and there is one that goes past 15 rooms at the other end of a long corridor. Someone was in the shower in the closest one so I went to the one further away (also it has two showers so you can spend slightly longer in there and not feel guilty). When I had finished my glorious shower I dried myself off. My towel is brand new and I haven't washed it yet so the absorbancy wasn't great but it was okay. Now, normally I walk back to my room (very quickly) wrapped in my towel and dress there but, instead, I discovered (the hard way) that skinny jeans are really not the best type of clothing to try and squeeze back on when you're still damp from the shower and realise that your new, sopping wet towel will not cover your modesty from the communal bathroom to your room.

I also made the executive decision to use the bathroom closest to me from now on to avoid embarrassing mishaps such as running down the hallway barefoot and blushing.

It seems as though a week is not complete here without me revealing myself to my housemates.

Anyway, we got ready to go out and I poured myself into an LBD and went to meet my friend. We got the bus into town (again, another epic fail at the bus station but I won't go into it) and went to our favourite bar Kasteel to have a couple of drinks while we waited for our other friends from Canada to arrive.

I should have realised that the towel incident had been a warning to stay inside.

We ordered our drinks and the bar tender (lovely guy) spilt them all over us. And when I say that I don't mean 'oh no! a little bit of alcohol has got on my hands' I mean 'what the hell?! my shoes are too slippery to keep on my feet and my legs are actually dripping.

Lovely.

He gave us our drinks for free and a free shot though so I couldn't really complain. And he felt so awful about it the poor guy. But then it transpired that there was some weird guy taking pictures of my friend and I (I jokingly said they were probably zooming in on her cleavage but she didn't find it very funny so I promptly shut my mouth after that) so we drank up and left to go to Rumba.

In Rumba it was two cocktails for one so we ended up getting tequila sunrise. I forgot how nice they are. We had a dance (had some requests played) and then decided to move on somewhere else where the music might be a little more dance-y. So off we trotted to &Zo. It got really hot really quickly so we had some shots and then went outside to cool off where, it transpired, that one of the Candian girls was really quite drunk and wanted some food.

We wandered off to our favourite pizza guy and ordered some food which was really, really good. Unfortunately, the Canadian was still feeling very drunk so she decided to go home and her very kind friend decided to take her to make sure she got home safe considering she wasn't walking in a straight line.

I was slightly concerned that they were riding bikes back.

They assured me that they would be fine and, anyway, when in Holland, right?

My friend and I went on to meet some other girls in a club called Kokomo. We had a laugh and a dance and then, it all went pear shaped.

We went up to sit at the bar for a moment because my feet were killing me and it was nearing 3am. Also there was some quite nice eye candy working behind the bar so we ended up people (person) watching for a while. Until my friend had a drink bought for her from a guy at the other end of the bar. She went off to say thanks and I sat there like a gooseberry.

Then, about 5 minutes later, this guy started talking to her but she moved away to the other side of me in order to discourage him.

This did not have the desired effect.

Instead, he leant right over me in order to talk to her. He was in my space so much that I actually had to lean backwards to accomodate him. I thought he might just say one thing to her and then move. No. That was wishful thinking; he actually started a conversation with her.

Supremely irritated I slid from my chair and told my friend that I was going to go home. She came with me because, dude, hoes before bros, aight?

So here's a few lessons that guys need to learn:
1) When you're trying to chat up a girl it's best to not piss off the friend that she's with.
2) When a girl moves away from you that's generally the clue to drop it.
3) Yes, contrary to popular belief, the spare does have feelings.

We ended up going home with my hormones going crazy until we had leftover Chinese food and watched X-Factor auditions. Felt much better at the realisation that if I get fat maybe it will cushion the insult of being considered invisible.

Holland is giving me complexes like it's my birthday.

&&Fin.

There's No IP Address Like Home

The internet died on me for a couple of days so this post is a few days mashed together.

Day 09 - That Time That I Literally Did Nothing

No lectures today so I had the entire day to do whatever I pleased.

As such I pretty much did nothing but laze around the house doing some reading.

&& Fin.

Day 10 - That Time I Found David Mitchell

European Union External Relations Law was first on the agenda. The class is quite dry but my Professor is David Mitchell's long lost brother. He has similar mannerisms and the same sense of humour and he's just so unbelievably cute that I want to take him on a picnic. Anyway, he's pretty much the only reason I'm going to stay in that class because EU Law bores me to tears but I think I can stomach it if he's going to be leading the way.

Decided to go out in the evening for the last ESN party to round up Fresher's Week. We went to Kokomo in a beach themed outfit so that was good fun. I think I had a little too much tequila but, other than that, I had a good night.

&& Fin.

Day 11 - That Time I Got Sick

Am slowly getting a cold and so my friend took care of me all day long and even cooked me dinner. What an angel.

Cannot type more as the sniffles are quite overwhelming me.

&&Fin.

All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't

Day 08 - That Time I Made A Great First Impression

Today was the first day of lectures but, in Groningen, the whole city shuts down on a Sunday (even all the big supermarkets, the restaurants and cafes etc.) and they don't tend to reopen until midday/early afternoon on the Monday so lectures on a Monday don't start until 11.

I think I should have been born Dutch.

I went to the first class which was Anthropology of Law. The professor was quite a young guy who was one of those teachers that likes to sit cross-legged on a table at the front of the class and have Deep and Meaningfuls with his classes. It looks like a really interesting class and I think he will draw out some interesting debates even though for the first session we just introduced ourselves and then he let us leave an hour early.

Because, you know, we only have 6 weeks to get this whole course in with just one two-hour lecture a week.

My second class was European Private Law.

I fear I may have made a grandiose error in picking this subject without reading the summary of what the course involves.

I appear to be learning about how Roman people invaded Germany and how that changed the way they transferred property.

I hated Property Law in my first year at University, especially transfer with deeds and titles, and now I've elected to take this module. That serves me right for picking subjects based on the days off I would have.

Lesson learnt.

When we got home we ended up cooking a vegetable curry and watching an hour of Bridget Jones' Diary on the TV. So glad we have a couple of English channels! The curry was actually really nice despite the fact that it was cooked in the kitchen that time (and cleaning supplies) forgot. It's really quite foul in there and none of the other students appear to clean up after themselves.

Plus, someone has stolen my cupboard. Boo.

Eventually my friend and I went to get ready for the 'Dutch' party organised by the University where everyone had to wear orange. After doing some tequila in her room we wandered off to get the bus because, alas, we still don't have lights on our bikes and it's a 60 euro fine if you get caught. And, you know what? I could probably buy another bike for that (a better one than my beloved Hoj I'm sure) so I'm not going to risk being stopped by the police.

We got on the bus and the driver informed us that we'd have to change buses at the Station Noord which we were fine with. We went to get on another bus and asked the driver if he was going to Grote Markt and he said he was so we sat down. But then, when we pulled away, we realised the bus wasn't facing the right way and we appeared to be driving out of the city. We looked at each other and were suddenly not quite so sure where we were headed. Thankfully, the bus went back on itself and we headed back into town but my friend still pressed the stop button too early. So the bus driver stopped and just waited.

And waited some more.

Until, eventually, I had to totter to the front of the bus and explain what had happened. To which he laughed and said he had seen the whole thing in his mirror and was waiting to see what we were going to do.

Bastard.

We made it to the orange party but it was so packed in &Zo that we ended up having to go outside every half hour or so because of the heat. I met my next door neighbour which was so surreal! He and a mate came to talk to Orty and I and he asked where we lived and then, when it turned out that was his building too, he asked what room and I realised he was in the one next to me. Score one for Amy with the nice Spanish bloke living next door.

We moved on to Rumba and decided to have a dance but we made an executive decision to go home when my friend had been grabbed for the umpteenth time that night and she'd had enough. She also had lectures at 9 and it was approaching 3 am so we called it a night and got a taxi.

Wherein the taxi driver informed me of this notion that all English girls are ugly. It had been mentioned to me twice before (in a roundabout way) but I had no idea about this assumption.

Is this what all foreigners think? That English women are the ugly bints of the globe? Is this a common stereotype for people outside of Britain? And where did this come from if it is?

I feel like I should defend my country and state, here and now, that I know plenty of absolutely stunning English women so back off world. Nyeah.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pretend that I haven't spent the whole morning in my pyjamas with my hair like a bird's nest and act like I'm very busy with important University work.

&&Fin

The Man Who Missed Australia

Day 07 - That Time We Crashed A Frat Party

Today we decided to actually get up and arrive early for the cultural sessions of our ESN tour to make up for the failure of the previous day. Afterall, we did shell out a princely sum to be involved in all the activities and, thus far, we had made little to no effort to get involved.

The sun was shining once again. I feel very lucky with this weather. Especially as I still need to buy a raincoat. I fear I will leave it too late and wake up one day to find that it's monsoon season.

We met our group in the Grote Markt and took more pictures of City Hall in the sunshine.





This is one of the biggest Frat houses in Groningen and it always looks insane! All the people are wasted and normally in fancy dress which is awesome. For lunch we headed to Bagels and Beans again and I had the salmon with tomato and pesto cream cheese on a sesame seed bun. I don't think pictures can quite convey how insanely delicious these things are but I took one anyway.



Anyway, we carried on to the Culture Centre and signed up for various activities including Dutch History and Egyptian belly dancing. Because...well, why not, right?



The Dutch History session was really interesting and funny but also had some really quite dark moments included. But it was informative and the guys delivering the presentation were very good. We learnt about the 'Man Who Missed Australia'. He was looking for the hidden, mythical southern continent and sailed right around it.



(I knew we shoulda taken a left at Albuquerque.)

Then we went out for dinner and a comedy show which was done by students of the University in a society called 'Stranger Things Have Happpened'. It was very similar in design to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway' which I love so I was cracking up. They were really very funny and I felt guilty that I was almost expecting them to be rubbish. But it was a very good evening.

After dinner we were about to head home and one of my friends had her bike stolen which sucked because she thinks they got her house keys too. It was horrible and I offered her my bike to ride home but she found someone from her house to walk with so she went to sort that out.

I went home and changed into a dress for going out later that evening. My friend and I went to catch the bus and missed it by about 6 seconds. Then we called a taxi. Then another bus turned up so we cancelled the taxi.

It was all very stressful.

When we reached the town one of my mentors texted me saying he had left the University organised party because the prices were really high so we ended up going to join him in the bar. It was tiny and called Kasteel and I think I'm in love. It might be better than The Castle of Comfort and that's hard for me to admit.

We got there and got free shots and drinks given to us by the bar tender. Ended up talking to some Dutch guys that taught us a dice game. It was awesome.



We then went out for pizza and exchanged numbers so that we could hang out again. We also promised the bar tender that we would come back and make it our regular hang out place. We went to get pizza and then figured we should probably head home because we did have lectures in the morning.

On the way to the taxi rank we walked past this club and heard an English song playing. My friend still wanted to dance so we agreed that we'd stop just for a couple of songs.

Turns out it was a private frat party and we were let in because they thought we belonged to a sorority. We ended up dancing and doing more shots and just having a brilliant time. They played Whitney Houston 'I will always love you' even though I asked for 'I wanna dance with somebody' but it was cool because about 20 Dutch guys ended up bellowing the words at me and my friend.



(Although with a friend that looks like this, I'm fairly sure they were just singing to her and I happened to be there as well. Going out with this girl is not such a boost for the old self-esteem, let me tell you.)



We left when fights broke out and glasses started smashing.

But still, it was a good night. And we amused the taxi driver so everyone had a good time.

Life is good in the Netherlands.

&& Fin.

Temptation Is Thy Weakness

Okay so the last couple of days have been quite interesting.

Day 04 - That Time I Was On Babysitting Duty

We had a Law meeting to introduce the course and how to register for exams etc. It was over 2 hours long and we were sat in these really hard, wooden chairs. After biking it around town for the past three days that was not the most comfortable thing in the world.

Oh, and the Netherlands? Yeah, not a friend to the thong.

Anyway, then we went on a tour around some of the main buildings but it was absolutely pouring and some of us didn't have rain jackets or umbrellas. I was one of these unlucky souls of course. But, lo and behold, my knight in shining armour appears in the form of a friendly Canadian who offered me his rain jacket because he had an umbrella!

I love Canada.

So we had this tour (which, fyi, was really quite useless) and then, after a brief stint in the shops, we went home. On the way we decided that we wanted to go and explore the town or at least meet our house mates and, being English, that means the involvement of alcohol. So we went to buy tequila and bumped into two New Zealand girls who lived in the building. We invited them out but they were quite tired. I think they were just glad to see someone that actually talked to them!

My friend and I started drinking tequila in her common room and waited for people to join us.

An hour later we were still waiting for people to join us so we decided to just head into town and have a look around.

Oh, if only.

Instead, we wound up at the Rumba bar which is normally really packed with International Students. Surprise, surprise; it was. So we had a drink in there and ended up bumping into these Canadians again. I then met a girl from Australia who asked us to come to another club with her.

So off we went.

We got into Kokomo which is a beach themed bar with a speed boat as the DJ booth. We danced for a bit and then got dragged to the bar where the guys had bought 13 pints for 10 euros. I'm not really a big fan of beer so I said thanks but no thanks. My friend on the other hand challenged them to a chugging competition.

And won.

We all just stared at her like she was an alien after she'd downed her fourth cup. She just laughed and went back to the dance floor.

However, about an hour later things were not quite as funny.

She was stumbling about all over the place and guys were hitting on her and giving her loads of beer so I had to keep my eye on her. Eventually (after she fell off the stage) I decided it was time to go home before she actually hurt herself. So one of the Canadians and I carried her out of the club to the taxi rank. She scrambled into the backseat and slurred at the driver. He didn't understand a word she said and just looked at me so I put on my best Dutch accent and he smiled.

When we reached our house (after many repeated ramblings from the Drunken Queen) she couldn't find her money to pay the taxi driver. Thing was I didn't have any money because we weren't meant to be going out that late and we were hoping to either walk or bus it back. Eventually we paid the taxi driver and got inside the building.

Where my friend promptly head butted a closed lift door and fell on her arse.

Beautiful.

&& Fin.