The World Needs More Love At First Sight

That Time We Found Lego Boyfriend A Mate

So it's been a while, dear reader (as usual).  Christmas has come and gone.

O Christmas tree...

And New Year...

And the first week of work...

And with January blues firmly setting in, I think it is about time The Blog makes a comeback to spread some happiness and sarcasm about the place.

Or it might just be a good chance for some of you to have a good-natured chortle at my various antics.

Whatevs.

As we all know, The Great Abandonment has begun (namely because I don't shut up about it).  However, I was lucky enough to see The Boyfriend a few times over the course of the last 2 months.  The Battlestar came into port for a brief period of time and, despite my friends sniggering over my 'boaty calls', it has been lovely to see The Boyfriend for real.

Err...I mean...oh bollocks.

Not that Lego Boyfriend hasn't been a big comfort to me!

Oh Lord, what have I done?!

ANYWAY.

Because I realised how much I had neglected Lego Boyfriend in the wake of real man flesh becoming, if not readily, at least somewhat, available.

Yes, yes - we get it!

I decided to treat Lego Boyfriend to a special little plastic something of his own.

...Keep it clean, dear readers!

Whilst I was off gallivanting with The Boyfriend, poor old Lego Boyfriend was tucked safe in a little pouch in my handbag hardly seeing the light of day.

Poor little tyke.

In an attempt to cheer him up, I got him his own little playmate.

Lego Boyfriend meet.....

Lego Girlfriend!

Complete with big suitcase and a can of whoop ass.

And it was love at first sight.

Lego Boyfriend effectively became the heart eyes emoji upon setting his plastic little eyes on her.

What can I say? Call me the Lego fairy godmother.

So. Many. Legos.

Now. I would love to say that Lego Boyfriend and Girlfriend lived happily ever after, clasping their little yellow hands (claws?) and running (shuffling) off into the sunset (a lamp on my desk).  But sadly, shortly after their love struck first meeting, it was decided that Lego Girlfriend should be allowed to travel the world with The Boyfriend (since AJ is far too big to squeeze in The Boyfriend's suitcase).

Especially not with this bint already stowing away.

So Lego Girlfriend and Boyfriend have been separated (geographically only - obviously!) and now I'm stuck with this face permanently:

Calm down - you'll see her in March.

So Lego Girlfriend has gone on her adventures to Central America with The Boyfriend:

Doing her bit to help ensure safe passage across the Atlantic.  Can't say she doesn't pull her weight.

Lego Boyfriend and I will sit at home and look forward to the updates we receive from our respective other (arguably better) halves. But at least we'll have each other for company.

And now The Boyfriend doesn't need to get his jealous pouty face on every time Lego Boyfriend pops up on Instagram.

Although I have already had to have The Chat with Lego Girlfriend about Proper and Appropriate Behaviour.

I think you all know what I'm talking about.

When two young plastic lego figurines get together, the sparks fly, hormones are racing, the skirts are a little above the knee...it's inevitable really.

Queen Elsa knows what's up (kind of a party pooper though - I love a good wedding)

Ah, young, delusional love.

I'm off to buy myself a hat!

&&Fin.

Hobbies Of Any Kind Are Boring Except To people Who Have The Same Hobby

That Time We Talked About How To Enjoy Yourself On The Cheap

We previous discussed the fact that my boyfriend abandons me on the regular (aka he goes away for work). What you might not know is that I am also currently repaying a Career and Development loan (aka the Law Society fleeced me for even more money for a pointless piece of paper and I'm still not qualified. ...not bitter).

This is a qualified lawyer.  If this was a law student that statue would have been sold for food by now. Trust.

All of this means that I now need to find ways to enjoy myself on the cheap.

And thus, I have been indulging in as many free activities as possible.  These have, invariably, been a comedy of errors and therefore a Blog post is necessary.

So away we go:

1. Yoga at home

This is Adrienne.

Don't you just feel relaxed looking at her?!

Adrienne is my saviour.

I love yoga (potentially because it is the only form of exercise that I am semi-good at due to my alien, inherent bendy-ness). Previously, I have attended a yoga class in Southampton with Heather (I STILL LOVE YOU HEATHER!) which made sense when I worked in Southampton.  But now that I do not live or work in Southampton, driving to the class made less and less sense.

My YouTube skills (see Bear Grylls: Born Shiteater) led me to Adrienne.  I like that she doesn't take the practice too seriously and encourages people to find what feels good rather than sticking to what the poses should look like.

However, the major drawback to this method of yoga practice is that the teacher isn't in the room with you so you're not entirely sure you are doing the vinyasa (check me out!) correctly.  This is compounded further when you are trying to copy a miniature version of a lady on your phone screen propped up against a wall.

Anyway, because the teacher isn't in the room with you, they aren't able to correct you and/or push your limits in the best way and you end up in positions that maybe your body doesn't really appreciate.

By day 3 of the 30 day challenge, my buttocks ached in ways they shouldn't.  Although this may have had more to do with the fact that I tried to bend myself into a pretzel after several months of no exercise.  I am sure normal humans would not encounter the achy bottom syndrome that I suffered.

Hey ho, needs must and all that.

The 30 Day Challenge is a great way to get back into the practice if you have been away for a while.  The session are between 15-40 minutes so you might even be able to squeeze in some mat time before work if you are really keen.

Obviously, I will be in bed wondering what is wrong with you but don't let my judgmental eyes stop you.

Namaste. 

2. Home Waxing

This is less of a 'hobby' and more of a cry for help to be honest.

For anyone not getting my amazing Twilight references - boyfriend goes away, girlfriend endangers life and limb because "I'm an angsty teen and my life revolves around a guy - sozlol" and afterwards there is a dramatic loss of hair.

Well, I thought it was quite apt.

#isTwilightevenathinganymore

Anyway, I have previously mentioned my love for waxing so onto the step by step guide of my ordeal experience:

Step 1: Ensure Housemate has vacated the Premises.  I do not want an audience for the inevitable howls and yelps that are likely to ensue.

Step 2: Heat the wax up.  This took f-o-r-e-v-e-r.  This may have had something to do with the fact that I was melting enough wax to mould my own Madame Tussaud's figure but the wax wasn't fully melted for several hours.  In fact, my patience ran out and I started when there was still a huge solid chunk in the middle.

FYI - just as a kind of public service announcement; don't google image search 'lots of wax'.  You will be scarred for life.

You. Are. Welcome.

Step 3: Sit on the floor, on a towel, legs akimbo in a Very Unladylike Manner.

Step 4: Deep breaths.

Step 5: Use wooden lollipop stick to apply hot wax (NOT TOO HOT) to happy places.

Step 6: Allow wax to cool and harden.

Step 7: Realise that there is no going back.

Step 8: More deep breaths.

Step 9: Rip the wax off of your happy places which are now less happy and a lot more pissed off.  Hold in expletives.

Step 10: Admire handiwork and think the pain was worth it.

Step 11: Realise you have to do this like 30 more times and maybe it won't be worth it actually.

Step 12: Repeat steps 5 - 11 until you have achieved the desired baldness.

Hey, to each their own, man, amiright?!

There was a strange kind of satisfaction about the whole process. Enjoyment is not the right word; don't get me wrong - it hurts! But there is a weird compulsion to just keep going. It's like that feeling you get when you press a bruise. You know, where it kind of hurts but you can't help but do it again? ...no? I mean...me neither.

Not awkward enough to NOT write a Blog Post about though, clearly.

3. My Lego Boyfriend

My most recent project is a clear sign of my descent into madness.

But hey, what is a Blog for, if not to afford my dear readers the chance to mock me when they see me in public.

Years ago, a lifetime before Perfect Tinder Dates and Breakfast Bahjis, the Boyfriend was gifted a Lego version of himself by some work colleagues.

Here he is:

So. Cute.

Lego Boyfriend has been entrusted into my care whilst Real Boyfriend is away and we have lots of adventures planned for the next few months.

For the time being, I just wanted to introduce my Lego Boyfriend (checkered shirt and all!) and you can follow our adventures via photographs on my Instagram.  But Lego Boyfriend will also be making regular appearances on the Blog so hopefully we will be seeing much more of him in the future.

NO!

I love you, dear readers, but really.

Filthy minded the lot of you.

In light of my poverty, my friends and family have the joys of home made Christmas gifts so look forward to my fail tales of my attempts at creativity in due course.

What this whole experience, and in particular, writing this Blog post, has taught me is that...I need better hobbies.

&&Fin.

Long Distance Is For Those Knowing A Good Thing When They See It, Even If They Don't See It Nearly Enough

That Time We Got All Mushy

What The Buzz: #ThursdayThoughts

My first Thursday Thought was, why does Twitter love alliteration so much?

#ThrowbackThursday
#FeelGoodFriday
#FollowFriday
#MancrushMonday

What's next?

#TMITuesday
#WeepyWednesday
#StayInBedSunday

In any event, the Twittersphere was coming over all positive and motivational (which is more than can be said for the #NationalPoetryDay hashtag which was bastardized into #WriteAPoemForTheresaMay which were surprisingly witty, if somewhat harsh).

So, in order to spread a bit of motivation and happy thoughts across the internet, here are some #ThursdayThoughts for you all:

Don’t forget that the sacrifices you make now are setting you up for a better life down the road. #ThursdayThoughts #Motivation #Inspiration pic.twitter.com/uo0eYKP0SO

— Murray Newlands (@MurrayNewlands) 29 September 2016

5 Ingredients for Happiness#ThursdayThoughts pic.twitter.com/x5PdUWMH1T

— Gary Hensel (@gary_hensel) 6 October 2016

#ThursdayThoughts 🍁 October back to work it's dark outside the wind blows in my hair

It's a little cold ☕🍰

💕💞💖 pic.twitter.com/fdylyV0lvl

— kent kristensen (@kentkristensen1) 6 October 2016

My #mondaymotivation is to get #blogs ready by #ThursdayThoughts. #blogging pic.twitter.com/igAUyHxPxp

— Jonny (@MerthyrRanter) 26 September 2016

All the technology in the world will never replace a positive attitude. - Harvey Mackay #quote #ThursdayThoughts pic.twitter.com/h4ffbvooPz

— Bill M Moore (@bmoore_20) 26 September 2016

I was in need of some positive thinking today, dear readers.

It finally dawned on me yesterday that the BF is heading off to sea very shortly and will be gone for 5 solid months.  This information has been made known to me since January/February time so it should not have come as a shock.

But knowing it was due to happen 'at some point in the distance future and anyway it's only a Tinder guy you might not even still be dating at that point' and actually coming to the reality of it 'oh my God you are going away, I won't see you for 5 months and you will miss Christmas, New Year, our first anniversary, my law school graduation and Valentine's and everything in between' is very different and not altogether pleasant.

Now, don't get me wrong, BF is off on glorious adventures on the high seas so we are (resignedly) happy for him.  He is leaving his dredging life behind him and he is, in fact, going to be employed on a cruise ship (colour me jealous) so I'm sure he'll basically be hit on by old ladies, feasting on cream teas and pointedly ignoring the gym facilities.  (This is The Only Way To Cruise.)  But the point is that I won't see his face and get to annoy him by tugging on his chin stubble for a Very, Long Time.

And that is a hard fact to accept.

(Although I'm sure his stubble will be relieved.)

It's like a spiky safety blanket...don't look at me like that.

I know some people will be thinking 'is it even worth it?'.  (I know this because some socially inept people in my life have actually asked this question OUT LOUD.)

I am here to tell you inexplicably and most emphatically, yes; it is worth it.

As we have previously discussed the importance of having amazing people in your life that truly care about you so I won't re-hash old ground but it is still true.  The BF is one of those people and why would I want to settle for less for the simple reason that it is geographically available to me?

Plus...I've already seen the local Tinder offerings. Shudder. 

To emphasise my point about finding special people, I am going to share with you an ooey gooey story.  Stand by with your upchuck reflexes, dear readers.

NB: Some of the following circumstances and conversations may have been dramatized (slightly!) for humorous effect.

(It is (late) morning.  AJ and BF are sat in bed talking.  AJ occasionally pulls on BF's stubble and ignores the BF's manly winces.)

AJ: I have got such a weird craving for breakfast.

BF: I'm all ears.

AJ: I know this is really weird.  But I have a really strange craving for curry.  How odd is that?!

(BF refrains from commenting but is clearly recalling AJ's culinary expertise the evening before which consisted of pizza and steak.  BF wisely just smiles and nods.) 

BF: Right, I'm going to have a shower and then I'll rustle up some breakfast.

AJ: Okay, but I don't know how much food I have in the house.

(BF also refrains from stating that this is not unusual and he expected as much.  BF is actually Very Clever.  BF showers while AJ fantasizes about chicken tikka masala. BF emerges from the bathroom in a cloud of steam.)

BF: Right - all done.  You go and hop in and I'll make breakfast.

(AJ showers and thinks pilau rice wouldn't be too weird as breakfast.  AJ gets out of the shower and dresses before heading downstairs. There is the sound of something sizzling from the kitchen.) 

AJ: Oh my gosh - something smells amazing! Have you done Spanish omelette or something?

BF: Something like that...

(AJ rounds the corner into the kitchen and sees that the BF has made onion bahjis from the minimal supplies he has found in the cupboards. AJ effectively becomes the heart eyes emoji.)

Seriously guys....hold out for someone that makes you onion bahjis for breakfast.  And when you find them do not let go.

Even if you won't get breakfast bahjis again for 5 months. #ThursdayThoughts

Worth it.

&&Fin

I'm An Instant Star. Just Add Water And Stir.

That Time We Discussed The Inevitable

What The Buzz: #DavidBowie

As you are already no doubt aware, David Bowie has sadly passed away after a battle with cancer.

The Twittersphere and Facey-B alike exploded with the news with messages of sadness and heartfelt remembrances.

Personally? I can only claim to be a casual fan of the late, great Bowie.  I have an appreciation of his music, certainly, but my main source of love for the man comes, undoubtedly, from his performance as Jareth the Goblin King in 1986's Labyrinth. 

(I also particularly love Life on Mars (the song and TV show) but that is a somewhat loose connection.)

The Best Thing to happen in 1986. WITHOUT QUESTION.

David Bowie was a true icon and has given us so much to enjoy including 25 studio albums, an incredible 51 music videos and has sold over 140 million albums worldwide which is certainly a fitting tribute to the longevity of Bowie's popularity.

But for me, he will always be that strangely alluring, magical, cruel to be kind magician that captured my imagination when I was a young girl.  I remember watching this movie and, even knowing that there were puppets and muppets and all sorts of other creations involved, thinking that Jareth was the real magic of the film.

Even inspiring an amateur cosplay attempt by me and the Sister. 

The wold has lost a wonderfully creative spirit and my thoughts go to his family and friends who knew him in a way that the online world tries to lay claim to but will never understand. 

And, finally, the most fitting tribute I could think of.  Take it away lads:

&&Fin.

He Immediately Arose, Purred Loudly, Rubbed Against My Hand, And Appeared Delighted With My Notice

That Time We Celebrated Cats

What The Buzz: #BlackCatDay

Firstly, I must apologise for the late posting of this What The Buzz article but I have been muchos busy over the last few weeks with London Comic Con, moving house and other personal errands.  Moving house has proven to be something of an interruption for my social media as I have not reconnected my computer as yet!  So this blog post is a little late, but as they say, better late than never.

Amongst the other more pedestrian twitter trends this week I came across a little gem that was very close to my heart. On Tuesday 27th October 2015, it was Black Cat Day in the UK. 

This is a day promoted by the Cats Protection League (http://www.cats.org.uk/black-cats) and got trending on Twitter very quickly with people more than willing to share their pictures of their adorable moggies.

There has been lots of research into black cats and, in particular, their adoption rates.  It has long been noticed that black cats tend to take up to a third longer to adopt than more colourful kittens in rescue centres.  This to me seems completely bizarre as I have always adopted cats on the basis of their personalities/characters and not on what colour fur they have but clearly it is a trend for other adopters.

Whilst researching for this blog post, I came across some interesting superstitions and myths surrounding black cats.  Most people are aware of the superstition that a black cat crossing your path is bad luck but this tends to be a Continental superstition that has grown in popularity in the UK.  Historically, in Britain, a black cat has always signified luck and in fact many ships had black cats as pets in order to have good luck on the high seas.

Modern culture seems to have developed the idea that black cats are unlucky or the familiars of witches and that could potentially explain the lower adoption rates of these moggies.  But, as Groucho Marx once said, 'A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere'.  Insightful as ever.

This hashtag was very poignant for me as my family currently have two cats in our family (one of which is black and was a rescue cat - a little bit damaged but lovely) but up until two weeks ago there was a third.

Toby channelling his inner 'Toothless'

We recently had to say goodbye to our third moggy, Harry, as he had developed untreatable stomach cancer.  So it was, with heavy hearts and very damp eyes, we sent him to sleep.  Harry was only 6 and was the soppiest cat I have ever known - he would cuddle up with you whenever you sat down and wherever you were.  If you were in the house - he would find you! And there was no way you could say no to a Harry cuddle. 

Harry - such a tart

Definitely big on the cuddles

He would roll upside down and let you rub his spotty belly and just generally love being loved.  He was a very unconditional cat and loved everyone.  There was a special bond between Harry and I in particular which I attribute to me being his sole human for a few weeks when he was a kitten as the rest of the family were away on various holidays.  I don't know why but that seemed to have bonded us for life (however short that may have been).

I was serious about not saying no the a Harry cuddle.  Even if you were only sat down for 5 minutes.

So this blog post is especially important to me to say how much I appreciate my two other cats (Maggie and Toby) and also as a huge shout out to Harry who is still loved, still missed and still very dear.

#AllCatsAppreciationDay

&&Fin.