The World Needs More Love At First Sight

That Time We Found Lego Boyfriend A Mate

So it's been a while, dear reader (as usual).  Christmas has come and gone.

O Christmas tree...

And New Year...

And the first week of work...

And with January blues firmly setting in, I think it is about time The Blog makes a comeback to spread some happiness and sarcasm about the place.

Or it might just be a good chance for some of you to have a good-natured chortle at my various antics.

Whatevs.

As we all know, The Great Abandonment has begun (namely because I don't shut up about it).  However, I was lucky enough to see The Boyfriend a few times over the course of the last 2 months.  The Battlestar came into port for a brief period of time and, despite my friends sniggering over my 'boaty calls', it has been lovely to see The Boyfriend for real.

Err...I mean...oh bollocks.

Not that Lego Boyfriend hasn't been a big comfort to me!

Oh Lord, what have I done?!

ANYWAY.

Because I realised how much I had neglected Lego Boyfriend in the wake of real man flesh becoming, if not readily, at least somewhat, available.

Yes, yes - we get it!

I decided to treat Lego Boyfriend to a special little plastic something of his own.

...Keep it clean, dear readers!

Whilst I was off gallivanting with The Boyfriend, poor old Lego Boyfriend was tucked safe in a little pouch in my handbag hardly seeing the light of day.

Poor little tyke.

In an attempt to cheer him up, I got him his own little playmate.

Lego Boyfriend meet.....

Lego Girlfriend!

Complete with big suitcase and a can of whoop ass.

And it was love at first sight.

Lego Boyfriend effectively became the heart eyes emoji upon setting his plastic little eyes on her.

What can I say? Call me the Lego fairy godmother.

So. Many. Legos.

Now. I would love to say that Lego Boyfriend and Girlfriend lived happily ever after, clasping their little yellow hands (claws?) and running (shuffling) off into the sunset (a lamp on my desk).  But sadly, shortly after their love struck first meeting, it was decided that Lego Girlfriend should be allowed to travel the world with The Boyfriend (since AJ is far too big to squeeze in The Boyfriend's suitcase).

Especially not with this bint already stowing away.

So Lego Girlfriend and Boyfriend have been separated (geographically only - obviously!) and now I'm stuck with this face permanently:

Calm down - you'll see her in March.

So Lego Girlfriend has gone on her adventures to Central America with The Boyfriend:

Doing her bit to help ensure safe passage across the Atlantic.  Can't say she doesn't pull her weight.

Lego Boyfriend and I will sit at home and look forward to the updates we receive from our respective other (arguably better) halves. But at least we'll have each other for company.

And now The Boyfriend doesn't need to get his jealous pouty face on every time Lego Boyfriend pops up on Instagram.

Although I have already had to have The Chat with Lego Girlfriend about Proper and Appropriate Behaviour.

I think you all know what I'm talking about.

When two young plastic lego figurines get together, the sparks fly, hormones are racing, the skirts are a little above the knee...it's inevitable really.

Queen Elsa knows what's up (kind of a party pooper though - I love a good wedding)

Ah, young, delusional love.

I'm off to buy myself a hat!

&&Fin.

There Are Nights When The Wolves Are Silent And Only The Moon Howls

Day ?? - That Time I Locked Myself Away and Did Revision

I know, I know, it sounds like the start of some spooky halloween tale. In fact, just saying the word 'revision' aloud makes a tremor run down my spine. Nevertheless, that is what I have been doing for the past week. It was a very strange exam system though.

The European Private Law exam was 6.30pm-9pm. Which I was very baffled about - who does exams in the evenings? Very weird. Also, it wasn't properly moderated, you had your bag next to you, the invigilator left the room occasionally, you went to the toilet on your own.

But, weirdest of all, when I opened my Law exam staring back at me were multiple choice questions.

....?

Not that I have anything against MCQ papers it's just that...that's not how we're used to doing Law back in England, letmetellyou.

It was just a different, continental experience all round I guess.

Anthropology was very odd too - a take home exam which we had 10 days to complete (so coursework really). There were 10 questions split into two parts (1a&b, 2a&b etc) but you were only allowed to write one page for each numbered question so one page for both parts of your answer.

Most confusing.

My friend sat her Masters level exam and she was allowed a statute book in with her. Nobody checked that she hadn't written extra notes in there or that it was a clean copy.

No wonder the pass rate over here is 60% instead of 40%. How embarrassing if you fail.

(I say that now but in a couple of weeks I expect I'll be in tears over my mark of 5 or below.)

So, alas, my adventures have not been so great this week. Although I have enjoyed some new experiences I suppose. Here are some other things I have done:

• Gone for hot chocolate and stayed in the coffee shop for 3 hours.
• Bought lights and a seat cover for my beautiful Hoj. (Because he's worth it.)
• Had someone clear out the bike shed so now there is room for all the bikes. Huzzah!
• Lied to a charity worker.
• Missed out on what looked like the best Halloween party ever because it was the night before my exam.
• Ruined my freshly painted nails by cleaning the kitchen after my student manager came to remind me.
• Laughed at some pretty funny pictures on facebook (you know the one I mean!)
• Talked to Hanny Vee for the first time in agessss. <3
• Arranged Sam to come and visit in November! =D
• Arranged for Sam to have a bed when he comes to visit.
• Cried because my Mum told me she was re-decorating my room and I was emotional.
• Invited an Australian back to my house for Christmas.
• Asked my parents if I could invite an Australian back to my house for Christmas.
• Watched an entire season of Legend of the Seeker.

I think that's about it so far. 

&&Fin.

A Lean Compromise Is Better Than A Fat Lawsuit

Day ?? - That Time I Realised My Youth Was Running Out

The day has come that I have been dreading for years and everybody else I know has been praying for.

My metabolism appears to have slowed down because, alas, I have gained weight since moving to the Netherlands. I'm not sure if this is a permanent thing or just because I have been particularly piggy this week. I would not like to hazard a guess.

So, as of Monday, I am on a fitness regime.

This means going jogging at least 3 times a week, doing some relaxing yoga cycles and eating better sized portions for dinner.

No more colossal mountains of curry, no more plates piled high with pasta, no more wolfing down waffles.

I am feeling good about this.

Really. I am. I refuse to come back from the Netherlands with wonderful memories and a less than wonderful bouncing belly. ME + GAINING WEIGHT = GOING AGAINST THE LAWS OF NATURE.

I have already started doing some yoga this evening but this is my ultimate goal (I'm already half way there so I just have to practice a bit and stretch and I should be okay.)

In other news, not a lot has happened. I went to Anthropology today and was reminded that I needed to hand an abstract in to my teacher about the presentation I have to give in 2 weeks.

Which reminds me...I should probably get on that.

...right after a round of Sun Salutations.

&&Fin.

A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility

Day 12 (? I'm losing count) - That Time I Almost Burst Into Tears In A Club

Saturday 11th September today and, yes, I did have a look on some of the memorial websites for 9/11 to pay my respects. There's nothing funny about that and I know this blog is normally lighthearted but I feel it should be mentioned because to completely ignore it would be a huge insult to a lot of people.

But, I don't want to dwell because this is still meant to be lighthearted/uplifting.

Today I managed to actually do some studying. My first real go at it since about May. It was so bizarre; I had to find my own handwriting again. I've decided to go for straight but loopy so we'll see how that works out. I'll keep you all updated on any changes made since I know this effects your everyday lives in a great way.

It got to late afternoon and my friend and I decided to order a takeaway. We did not realise how insanely difficult this would be.

Firstly, we had failed to get a takeaway the day before because Groningen seems to just switch off at 10 and we were looking for numbers at 10.15. But, today, we couldn't find any menus online with an English translation. Now, I know I've been in the Netherlands for nearly two weeks but that doesn't mean I can speak Dutch and it certainly doesn't mean I can translate a Chinese menu from Dutch to English.

Bah.

We ended up phoning one of the takeaways and just asking what they had down the phone. I don't think the woman on the other end could quite believe it.

Anyway, when it arrived (delivery boy was the sweetest guy ever) we realised that it was massive portions and we'd ordered way too much for two people. But we sat and wolfed it down and it was actually really tasty. It tasty really fresh and had lots of vegetables in it.

Stamp of approval, me thinks.

We were going out that night so after the obligatory episode of The Office, we decided to go and get ready because I needed a shower.

In my corridor there is a shower that is literally less than ten steps from my door and there is one that goes past 15 rooms at the other end of a long corridor. Someone was in the shower in the closest one so I went to the one further away (also it has two showers so you can spend slightly longer in there and not feel guilty). When I had finished my glorious shower I dried myself off. My towel is brand new and I haven't washed it yet so the absorbancy wasn't great but it was okay. Now, normally I walk back to my room (very quickly) wrapped in my towel and dress there but, instead, I discovered (the hard way) that skinny jeans are really not the best type of clothing to try and squeeze back on when you're still damp from the shower and realise that your new, sopping wet towel will not cover your modesty from the communal bathroom to your room.

I also made the executive decision to use the bathroom closest to me from now on to avoid embarrassing mishaps such as running down the hallway barefoot and blushing.

It seems as though a week is not complete here without me revealing myself to my housemates.

Anyway, we got ready to go out and I poured myself into an LBD and went to meet my friend. We got the bus into town (again, another epic fail at the bus station but I won't go into it) and went to our favourite bar Kasteel to have a couple of drinks while we waited for our other friends from Canada to arrive.

I should have realised that the towel incident had been a warning to stay inside.

We ordered our drinks and the bar tender (lovely guy) spilt them all over us. And when I say that I don't mean 'oh no! a little bit of alcohol has got on my hands' I mean 'what the hell?! my shoes are too slippery to keep on my feet and my legs are actually dripping.

Lovely.

He gave us our drinks for free and a free shot though so I couldn't really complain. And he felt so awful about it the poor guy. But then it transpired that there was some weird guy taking pictures of my friend and I (I jokingly said they were probably zooming in on her cleavage but she didn't find it very funny so I promptly shut my mouth after that) so we drank up and left to go to Rumba.

In Rumba it was two cocktails for one so we ended up getting tequila sunrise. I forgot how nice they are. We had a dance (had some requests played) and then decided to move on somewhere else where the music might be a little more dance-y. So off we trotted to &Zo. It got really hot really quickly so we had some shots and then went outside to cool off where, it transpired, that one of the Candian girls was really quite drunk and wanted some food.

We wandered off to our favourite pizza guy and ordered some food which was really, really good. Unfortunately, the Canadian was still feeling very drunk so she decided to go home and her very kind friend decided to take her to make sure she got home safe considering she wasn't walking in a straight line.

I was slightly concerned that they were riding bikes back.

They assured me that they would be fine and, anyway, when in Holland, right?

My friend and I went on to meet some other girls in a club called Kokomo. We had a laugh and a dance and then, it all went pear shaped.

We went up to sit at the bar for a moment because my feet were killing me and it was nearing 3am. Also there was some quite nice eye candy working behind the bar so we ended up people (person) watching for a while. Until my friend had a drink bought for her from a guy at the other end of the bar. She went off to say thanks and I sat there like a gooseberry.

Then, about 5 minutes later, this guy started talking to her but she moved away to the other side of me in order to discourage him.

This did not have the desired effect.

Instead, he leant right over me in order to talk to her. He was in my space so much that I actually had to lean backwards to accomodate him. I thought he might just say one thing to her and then move. No. That was wishful thinking; he actually started a conversation with her.

Supremely irritated I slid from my chair and told my friend that I was going to go home. She came with me because, dude, hoes before bros, aight?

So here's a few lessons that guys need to learn:
1) When you're trying to chat up a girl it's best to not piss off the friend that she's with.
2) When a girl moves away from you that's generally the clue to drop it.
3) Yes, contrary to popular belief, the spare does have feelings.

We ended up going home with my hormones going crazy until we had leftover Chinese food and watched X-Factor auditions. Felt much better at the realisation that if I get fat maybe it will cushion the insult of being considered invisible.

Holland is giving me complexes like it's my birthday.

&&Fin.